Hey DILFs!

If this weekend marks the start of half term for you and your family, my thoughts are with you and your carefully constructed plans – which should survive until approximately 10:15 on Day 1. If it's already over for you, I hope the excitement of a week without packed lunches didn't make you forget to empty the last one. Otherwise, good luck opening that backpack on Monday morning.

If you don’t have kids who are old enough for school, I'm sorry that your normally peaceful weekday visits to museums, playgrounds and soft plays are about to be invaded by several million schoolchildren.

If you don’t have any kids but sometimes look after them, I hope you're charging a competitive hourly rate. If you don’t have any kids and you never look after any, I'd love to know what you're doing here (email me!).

Right then!

Jeff xx

Family Takeover with Tom James
Saturday 24 October, 11:15–12:15 and 12:45–13:45
Camden Art Centre, Arkwright Road, NW3 6DG
FREE – booking required
Age guidance: 4+

BOOK QUICKLY: FREE TICKETS ARE GOING FAST!

If I were to make one request to my children's school, it would be, "Please stop telling them about the importance of reusing and recycling. I appreciate that it's good for the planet, but we live in a flat in London: we simply don't have room for a multi-Amazon-box dinosaur so large that we have to move it every time someone wants to use the loo."

I won't say it, because I don't want to sound like a knob. But I come close every time they raid their carefully hoarded collection of toilet roll tubes and egg boxes to build something that will eventually be discovered by archaeologists who'll assume we worshipped it.

Naturally, the last thing I need is Camden Art Centre giving my children even more ideas about what can be achieved with a pile of rubbish.

Its latest Family Takeover is a free, drop-in workshop led by artist Tom James, where families will work together to construct an enormous marble run out of discarded tubes, pipes, bottles and funnels. You can experiment with different routes, see what works and watch your marbles disappear down the wrong pipe.

So far, this isn't helping. But then things take a welcome turn. When you've finished, you dismantle the lot. The tubes, the pipes, the funnels – everything gets taken apart. It's a valuable lesson, children. Reuse things, absolutely. But then put them in the recycling: you don't have to keep the results until your parents die and you inherit the flat.

Find out more: ​​https://camdenartcentre.org/whats-on/family-takeover-with-tom-james

👍️ The marble-run workshop is inspired by A Hard Line to Bend, a free exhibition by artist Liz Larner at Camden Art Centre. Larner creates sculptures using everything from discarded single-use plastics to ceramics and metal, transforming familiar materials into objects that look quite unlike anything they started out as.

👍️ Finally! A chance to bring out one of my favourite jokes again:

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Sigmund.
Sigmund who?
Sigmund Cock. Oh, I mean Freud. Sigmund Freud.

So, yes, the Freud Museum. You may think it’s not the ideal place to take a child, but there’s so much more to learn about the guy than the Oedipus-related stuff – and it’s all here in the museum. This is the actual house he and his family lived in when they came to London from Austria in 1938, as refugees from Nazi persecution. They brought all their furniture and other items with them – and the house has been preserved exactly as they left it.

To make things super easy and accessible, there’s a handy “plan your visit” page on the website, which suggests what to explore depending on how much time you have to spare – whether it’s 30 minutes, 60 minutes, 90 minutes, two hours or more than two hours. (If you have more than two hours, the advice is pretty much “Go reeeally slowly through the house, then check out the gift shop. And then? Errr, you know, hang out.”)

Excitingly, you can see his famous psychoanalytic couch and desk. There’s also the weird chair that had been designed especially for him, which accommodated his preferred seating posture (legs over one arm of the chair), and his 2,000-odd antiquities that are arranged on every surface. The garden is open to visitors too – a peaceful, well-kept space with benches, shady trees and quiet corners to sit.

Young Archaeologists' Club – Billingsgate Roman Bath House Excursion
Saturday 24 October, 09:45
Billingsgate Roman Bath House, Lower Thames Street, EC3R
£16 per person
Age guidance: 8–16

I've always admired Fever's determination to discover just how much people are prepared to pay for an afternoon's entertainment. So I was pleasantly surprised immensely sceptical when I saw a children's two-hour archaeology session on there for just £16.

After checking numerous times to make sure it wasn't just the booking fee, I assumed there must be a catch – because this experience is considerably better than a pillow fight (something Fever has charged more than £16 for in the past). For that price, children are being offered the chance to explore the remains of a Roman house and bathhouse, built nearly 2,000 years ago and still sitting underneath the City of London.

It's called Billingsgate Roman House and Baths, and it started life as a rather grand Roman home in the second century. Despite having no access to laminate flooring, silicone sealant or Kevin McCloud, the owners decided to zhuzh the place up with a private bathhouse – complete with hot and cold rooms and underfloor heating.

Eventually, the Romans left, London carried on being London, and the whole thing ended up buried beneath what's now an office building on Lower Thames Street. The remains were rediscovered in the 19th century, and they're still there today. Getting inside, however, requires a bit more planning than simply turning up for a nosey around: visits are normally by guided tour, booked weeks or even months in advance.

Which brings us to Fulham Palace's Young Archaeologists' Club. It's run by an actual archaeologist, Alexis Haslam, who organises monthly sessions for children aged 8–16. Sometimes they're digging into the past through experiments and practical activities; other times, they're heading out to investigate the real thing. This month, they've managed to get into Billingsgate.

And rather than sitting in a room where someone's put up some pictures of Roman baths and handed everyone a worksheet, the children will be able to peer down at the actual remains, including the hot, warm and cold rooms, and see the little stacks of bricks that once held up the heated floors. They'll discover how the Romans managed to keep their bathrooms toasty nearly 2,000 years before anyone invented a combi boiler, and why getting clean involved rubbing yourself in oil and then scraping it off with a metal tool. (I checked online and of course someone is now selling a modern version of the scraper and oil for $85. It was only a matter of time.)

And that's £16 for the whole two-hour session. No upgrade for a VR experience, no premium access to see the best bits, no £20 photograph of your child standing next to a Roman wall. As far as I can tell, anyway.

A quick note: This one's for children to attend on their own, so I'm technically breaking my own rules by including it. But it looked too good to leave out, and it's only two hours – so there's still plenty of time to do something together afterwards.

Find out more: https://fever.pxf.io/oNWZkO

👍️ Just a few minutes' walk from Billingsgate is St Dunstan-in-the-East, a church that's had what might politely be described as a thorny relationship with London's history. First it was badly damaged in the Great Fire of London in 1666, then it was bombed during the Blitz in 1941. Rather than rebuild it for a second time, the City of London turned the ruins into a public garden, which is now filled with trees, climbing plants and ivy-covered stone arches. Christopher Wren's tower and steeple are still standing, and the whole place looks like something you'd expect to find in a forgotten corner of an ancient city rather than a few streets from the Walkie Talkie. It's free to visit and well worth a wander.

👍️ Talking of the Great Fire of London… you're not far from the Monument, the enormous stone column built to commemorate the blaze of 1666. Designed by Christopher Wren (him again) and Robert Hooke, it stands 61 metres tall – which is also the exact distance between the column and the bakery on Pudding Lane where the fire began. You can climb all 311 steps of its spiral staircase for spectacular views across London, and you'll even get a certificate at the end to prove you've done it. Entry costs £7 for adults, £3.50 for children aged 5–15, and is free for under-5s.

MCM London Comic Con
Friday 23–Sunday 25 October, 12:00–18:00 (Friday), 11:00–19:00 (Saturday), 12:00–17:00 (Sunday)
ExCeL London, 1 Western Gateway, Royal Docks, E16 1XL
Adults £29 Friday and Sunday, £38 Saturday; children £7 per day, under-5s free
Suitable for all

When I first took my son on the newly opened Elizabeth Line, it was on the same day as Comic Con 2022. Even now, four-and-a-half years later, he still thinks of it as a commuter line for superheroes who are too tired to fly or whose jet packs have run out of batteries.

We’ve never actually been inside Comic Con, but our Iron Man-filled train journey made us realise it’d be fun just to stand outside the venue and watch various famous fictional faces come and go. You could do that too, or you could buy tickets and actually go inside to experience it in full.

And WHAT an experience it'll be (he says, having never been). It's hard to summarise it here – especially when most of my word count went towards an unrelated anecdote about a train journey – but I'll try. To me, it seems that the highlights this year include: Q&As with actors, voice actors and creators; cosplay showcases, tutorials and competitions (including a special showcase for under-12s); live drawing demonstrations and workshops with professional artists; hands-on sessions covering everything from costume-making to voice acting; Pokémon and other card games; board games and video games; and plenty of opportunities to meet favourite creators. There's also The Treehouse, which is a dedicated family area with crafts, face-painting, games and somewhere to sit down when everyone's had enough. Remember about The Treehouse: you may need it.

I could go on, but at some point I do have to send this email. And judging by last year's numbers, I could go on for quite some time: over 560 panels and workshops, more than 520 exhibitors and retailers, and upwards of 130,000 visitors. Experienced attendees advise planning your day(s) in advance to avoid overwhelm and tantrums, and I'd be inclined to listen – especially since some of the more popular sessions need to be reserved ahead of time.

Find out more: https://www.mcmcomiccon.com/london/en-us/home.html

Everyone wants a marketing hack that makes growing their business easier.

But according to business guru @MarketingMax (9 figures in attributable revenue delivered to clients), one of the best no-cost marketing hacks is finding the one angle that makes people foam at the mouth wanting what you sell.

Lucky for you @MarketingMax put together a quick 2-page Google Doc breaking down how to find yours in 10 minutes, with 20+ real examples you can steal from.

Steal his marketing hack here→

Big Story Festival
Sunday 25 and Monday 26 October, 10:00–18:00
Imperial War Museum London, Lambeth Road, SE1 6HZ
FREE – no booking required (selected talks and workshops £10–£15)
Suitable for all

I'm not sure what you'd expect to find at a festival organised by the Imperial War Museum, but I imagine a fair amount of military history, some opportunities to handle wartime objects and possibly a chap explaining the finer points of a Spitfire engine.

What I wouldn't expect is a family singalong involving bubbles and puppets, a giant colouring wall or a workshop based on Matthew Bourne's ballet Cinderella. Yet all three are part of the museum's Big Story Festival, alongside an enormous number of other activities that are rather more in keeping with the venue.

The festival takes place over two days and is inspired by Childhood in War, the museum's exhibition exploring what it was like to grow up during the Second World War. But rather than sticking exclusively to wartime history, the organisers have used it as a jumping-off point for a much broader celebration of storytelling – with everything from children's authors and illustrators to music, theatre and hands-on creative activities. Which goes some way towards explaining the bubbles.

And there's an awful lot to get stuck into without spending a penny. Children can handle genuine objects from the First and Second World Wars; learn to draw characters and create their own storybooks with illustrator Will Hughes; make wooden-spoon puppets and storyboards; help colour an enormous collaborative artwork with A-Line Art; and join Tom Carradine for a good old-fashioned family singalong involving puppets. There's also a £10 guided tour exploring what life was like for children during wartime, including the extraordinary stories of children and animals who played their part.

On top of all that, there are special events with children's authors Jacqueline Wilson, Tom Palmer and Judith Eagle, plus the Matthew Bourne Cinderella movement workshops. These all cost £10 per person and need to be booked separately. And do pay attention to which day everything's happening: the festival runs across Sunday and Monday, with some activities available on one day only.

Find out more: https://www.iwm.org.uk/events/big-story-festival

👍️ Don't miss Childhood in War, the free exhibition that inspired the festival. It explores what growing up during wartime has meant for children across different generations, with reconstructed bedrooms and classrooms, a full-size railway carriage recreating a Second World War evacuation, and personal possessions including teddy bears and letters from children begging their parents to bring them home. It isn't just about WWII, either: there are children's stories from conflicts right up to the war in Ukraine. I wrote about it in rather more detail here.

Discover your CSI skills and learn about Eliza Fenning
Saturday 24 October, 11:30–14:00
St George the Martyr, 44 Queen Square, WC1N 3AH
FREE – no booking required
Suitable for all

In March 1815, a young cook called Eliza Fenning made beefsteak and dumplings for the family she worked for in Chancery Lane. Shortly afterwards, everyone who'd eaten the dumplings became violently ill, including Eliza herself. The family suspected arsenic poisoning, and Eliza was arrested.

Now, you'd think the fact that Eliza had eaten the poisoned food herself (and suffered its consequences, just like her employers) might have been quite useful in her defence. But no. The prosecution decided she was faking it.

There was also the fact that no one had actually seen Eliza put arsenic in the food. A surgeon claimed to have identified arsenic in the leftover dough – apparently by washing out the mixing bowl, finding some white powder at the bottom and deciding it was arsenic.

He also assured the court that arsenic would explain why the knives used to cut the dumplings had turned black. Other witnesses pointed out that the dumplings were unusually heavy, which must have come as worrying news to every incompetent cook in London.

I appreciate that medical science has moved on a bit since 1815, but you'd hope somebody might have wanted rather more convincing proof before sending a woman to the gallows.

After a trial lasting just a few hours, she was found guilty – and a few months later she was hanged outside Newgate Prison, still protesting her innocence.

The case caused an enormous public outcry. Thousands of Londoners petitioned for her life to be spared, and thousands followed her funeral procession through the streets. Her funeral was held at St George's Church in Bloomsbury, which is where we're heading this weekend.

Because, 211 years later, the church is hosting a free family event exploring Eliza's story and the role forensic science plays in criminal investigations. It's a subject that could have made an enormous difference to Eliza: these days, scientists can detect minute traces of arsenic in food, blood and other tissues, work out approximately how much someone was exposed to and sometimes establish when the poisoning happened. None of these techniques can tell us on their own whether somebody is guilty, but they can provide rather more reliable evidence than a surgeon's opinion of a dumpling.

At the event, children can have a go at forensic science activities, learn about Eliza's case and discover why getting the evidence right matters. There'll be talks, activities for children and teenagers and a bouncy castle, which I don't imagine featured prominently in the original proceedings.

I can't promise your children will come away with a lifelong interest in forensic toxicology. Mine would probably head straight for the bouncy castle. But I love the idea of bringing them to the very church where Eliza's funeral took place, to learn about a young Londoner whose story is still being told centuries later. And if they come away understanding why you shouldn't convict someone of attempted murder on the strength of a workplace disagreement and a suspiciously heavy dumpling, that seems a pretty good afternoon's work.

Find out more: https://bloomsburyfestival.org.uk/whats-on/discover-your-csi-skills-and-learn-about-eliza-fenning

This section brings together both new events I don’t have room to expand on and selected older ones from past newsletters that are still running. If you see a “(see my write-up here)”, that’s your cue to click through and rediscover whatever Past Me felt strongly enough to write about.

Koestler Arts: Rock, Paper, Scissors
Tuesday–Sunday until 29 November, 12:00–20:00
Southbank Centre, The Undercroft, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX
FREE – no booking required

James Campbell’s Comedy 4 Kids: Reducks
Saturday 24 and Sunday 25 October, 14:00 (Saturday also 16:30)
Museum of Comedy, The Undercroft, St George’s Church, Bloomsbury Way, WC1A 2SR
£14.25 per person
Age guidance: 6+

There's a Monster in Your Show
Saturday 24 October, 14:00 and 16:00
Woolwich Works, The Fireworks Factory, 11 No. 1 Street, SE18 6HD
£16.50 per person (family ticket £59.40)
Age guidance: 2+

Halloween at the Tower of London
Daily until 1 November, 10:30–16:00
Tower of London, Tower Hill, EC3N 4AB
Free with general admission (adults £38, 5–17s £19, under-5s free)
Suitable for all

Halloween Trail
Daily until 1 November, 10:00–18:00
Claremont Park, Brent Cross Town, Claremont Road, NW2 1AJ
FREE – no booking required

Halloween at Hampton Court Palace
Daily until 1 November
Hampton Court Palace, East Molesey, Surrey, KT8 9AU
Free with general admission (adults £30–£33, 5–17s £15–£16.50, under-5s free)

Out of the Box
Sunday 25 October, 11:00 and 14:00
Woolwich Works, Ropekeepers Studio, 11 No. 1 Street, SE18 6HD
£13.50 per person
Age guidance: 3+

You'll See
Saturday 24 and Sunday 25 October, 11:30 and 14:30
Polka Theatre, 240 The Broadway, SW19 1SB
£14 per person, plus £2.50 booking fee per order
Age guidance: 8–12

Freddie Mercury | Splendid Things
Daily until 17 January, 10:00–17:45 (until 22:00 on Fridays)
V&A South Kensington, Cromwell Road, SW7 2RL
FREE – no booking required

Club Origami
Sunday 25 October, 11:30 and 14:30
artsdepot, 5 Nether Street, N12 0GA
From £13.75 per person
Age guidance: 2–5

Book Buzz 2026
Sunday 25 October, 11:00–16:00
artsdepot, 5 Nether Street, N12 0GA
FREE – no booking required
Suitable for all (individual workshops have age guidance)

Dear Zoo
Daily until 27 October, 11:00 and/or 14:00
artsdepot, 5 Nether Street, N12 0GA
From £15 per person
Age guidance: 1+

Cirque Berserk!
Daily until 31 October, various performance times (see website)
Garrick Theatre, 2 Charing Cross Road, WC2H 0HH
Adults from £25, under-15s from £17.50
Age guidance: 5+

Poetry Day!
Saturday 24 October, 11:00–19:00
Southbank Centre, Queen Elizabeth Hall Foyer, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX
FREE – no booking required

Diwali on the Square 2026
Sunday 25 October, 13:00–19:00
Trafalgar Square, WC2N 5DN
FREE – no booking required

Halloween Bounce House
Daily until 30 October, various one-hour sessions (see website)
Big Penny Social, 1 Priestley Way, E17 6AL
£7 per child, accompanying adults and under-6-months free
Age guidance: 2–8 (special under-3s sessions available)

Hokusai: Thirty-six Views of Mount Fuji from the Iuchi Collection
Tuesday–Sunday until 17 January, 10:00–17:00
Dulwich Picture Gallery, Gallery Road, SE21 7AD
Adults £19, under-18s free

A Shuffle of Shorts! + Pre-film Dragon Wings and Things Crafting
Saturday 24 October, 11:00 (crafting from 10:00)
Barbican Cinema 2, Beech Street, EC2Y 8DS
Adults £5, under-18s £2.50, plus £1.50 transaction fee per booking
Age guidance: 5+

Family Art Day: Discover, Play and Share
Sunday 25 October, 10:00–12:00
Estorick Collection, 39a Canonbury Square, N1 2AN
Adults (12+) £9.50, 0–11s free
Suitable for all

Kay's Gruesome Games with Adam Kay and Henry Paker
Saturday 24, Sunday 25 October and Sunday 1 November, various performance times (see website)
Leicester Square Theatre, 6 Leicester Place, WC2H 7BX
£26.45 per person (including booking fee)
Age guidance: 7+

Architecture on the Thames Boat Tour East
Saturday 24 October, 13:00–16:00
Greenwich Pier, Cutty Sark Gardens, SE10 9HT
Adults £35.50, under-25s £19.50
Age guidance: 7+

Thrown Together: Steve Rawlings Family Show
Sunday 25 October, 16:00–17:00
Jacksons Lane, 269a Archway Road, N6 5AA
£15 per person
Suitable for all

Painting the French Riviera (see my write-up here)
Tuesday–Sunday until 31 January, 10:00–18:00 (Friday and Saturday until 21:00)
Royal Academy, Burlington House, Piccadilly, W1J 0BD
Adults £26, under-16s free

Light and Magic: The Birth of Art Photography (see my write-up here)
Daily until 21 February, 10:00–18:00 (Friday and Saturday until 21:00)
Tate Modern, Bankside, SE1 9TG
Adults £20, 12–18s £5, under-12s free

Larger Than Life: Starring Wallace & Gromit, Shaun and More (full review coming soon!)
Daily until 4 January, various timeslots throughout the day
Lightroom, 12 Lewis Cubitt Square, N1C 4DY
Adults £25, 3–18s £15, under-3s free
Age guidance: “Younger children need to be supervised in the space and we ask that parents are considerate of the experience for all our guests.”

Salman Toor: Someone Like You
Daily until 10 January, 10:00–18:00
Somerset House, Strand, WC2R 0RN
Adults £16, under-19s free (includes the permanent collection)

Renoir and Love
Daily until 31 January, 10:00–18:00 (Friday until 21:00)
National Gallery, Trafalgar Square, WC2N 5DN
Adults £25, under-18s free

High School Musical
Until 3 January, various performance times
Troubadour Wembley Park Theatre, 3 Fulton Road, Wembley, HA9 0SP
£35–£199 (!) per person
Age guidance: 6+; under-3s not admitted

LAIKA presents Wildwood: The Exhibition
Until 10 January, 10:00–17:00 Monday–Thursday and 10:00–18:00 Friday–Sunday
Design Museum, 224–238 Kensington High Street, W8 6AG
Adults £17.09, 6–15s £8.55, under-6s free

Pokémon Space Trail (see my write-up here)
Daily until 3 January, 10:00–18:00
Science Museum, Exhibition Road, SW7 2DD
FREE – but you need to book a free admission ticket to enter

Robert Ryman: The Real Thing (see my write-up here)
Tuesday–Sunday until 28 February, 10:00–17:00 (until 19:00 on Thursdays and Fridays)
Barbican Centre, Silk Street, EC2Y 8DS
Adults £20.50, under-16s free

Jesús Rafael Soto: Pénétrable BBL Jaune (see my write-up here)
Tuesday–Sunday until 25 October, 10:00–18:00
Beside Serpentine South, Kensington Gardens, W2 3XA
FREE

Petit Pierre From Transylvania
Weekends and half term until 1 November, 11:00 and 15:00
The Well Walk Theatre, 49 Willow Road, NW3 1TS
£15.90 per person
Age guidance: 3+

Es Devlin: Other Worlds (see my write-up here)
Until 4 April, 10:00–18:00 (until 17:00 Monday–Thursday)
Design Museum, 224–238 Kensington High Street, W8 6AG
Adults £21, 6–15s £11, under-6s free

The 90s: Art and Fashion (full write-up coming soon!)
Daily until 14 February, 10:00–18:00
Tate Britain, Millbank, SW1P 4RG
Adults £22, 12–18s £5, under-12s free

Toto
Weekends and half term until 1 November, 11:00 and/or 13:00 and/or 14:00
Polka Theatre, 240 The Broadway, SW19 1SB
£10 or £19 per person
Age guidance: 3–8

Jenkin van Zyl: Enclosure
Tuesday–Sunday until 29 November, various timeslots each day
Somerset House, Strand, WC2R 1LA
FREE – booking required
Age guidance: 13+

Everest: The First Ascent – An immersive experience in London
Wednesday–Sunday (and daily during half term) until 31 December, 10:00 or 11:00–19:00
Eclipso Immersive Entertainment, 213–219 Camden High Street, NW1 7BT
Adults £27.50, 8–17s £21.50 (family bundles and London resident pricing also available)
Age guidance: children must be 8+

Korea
Daily until 31 January, 10:00–17:00 (Fridays until 20:30)
British Museum, Great Russell Street, WC1B 3DG
Adults £20, under-16s free

Body Worlds: The Anatomy of Happiness
Until 21 March, various timeslots each day
Sussex Mansions, 79–85 Old Brompton Road, SW7 3LD
Adults £24.61, 6–17s £16.05 (family bundles also available)
Age guidance: suitable for all (“Note that some exhibits and installations contain mature content, so parental discretion is advised.)

Amar Kanwar Exhibition
Until 31 January, Tuesday–Sunday 10:00–17:00
Serpentine North, West Carriage Drive, W2 2AR
FREE, but booking required

Pip and Posy Live on Stage
Until 22 November, various start times (see website)
Little Angel Theatre, 14 Dagmar Passage, N1 2DN
Adults £16, 1–17s £14
Age guidance: 2–5

The Pied Piper: A Rat's Tale
Until 7 November, various start times – see website
Little Angel Studios, Sebbon Street, N1 2EH
Adults £16, 1–17s £14 (all tickets are £8 this Saturday 12/Sunday 13 September)
Age guidance: 5+

As You Like It (see my write-up here)
Until 25 October, various start times – see website
Shakespeare’s Globe, 21 New Globe Walk, SE1 9DT
Standing tickets £10, seated £28–£88
Age guidance: suitable for all