Hello fellow DiLFs!

Today (for reasons that will become clear) I went down a rabbit hole of United Nations-recognised international “days” for things. 

I found out that some dates of the calendar have more than one “international day for x”, which seems cumbersome. Do you think they ever try to combine them? Maybe on 18 June – both Sustainable Gastronomy Day and International Day for Countering Hate Speech – they host a zero-waste cooking class featuring dishes from diverse cultures, where the only comments allowed are "Mmm, delicious" and "Scrummy!" Possible? Or not? 

Shower thoughts over, on with the list! 

Jeff xx

Saturday, 10:00, 13:00 and 15:00
Little Angel Studios, Sebbon Street, N1 2EH
Adults and children £8.50 each

You know when your child enters that phase of repeating every sentence you say? And you yell, “Stop that! Stop copying me!” and they mock-yell back, “Stop that! Stop copying me!” And then you put your head in your hands and moan, “For f**k’s sake. I hate my life,” and they do the same – just as the guests are arriving for their birthday party? 

That’s why I never understood the love for and fascination of parrots. They’re essentially children at the most annoying stage of their lives, but ALL THE TIME. And they bite harder than children do. And they poop constantly. 

Thankfully, this event isn’t about creating real-life parrots. A puppet parrot will no doubt also mimic everything you say (thanks to the young person whose hand will be up its backside), but you can always just chuck it in the toy box if it gets too much. 

I should also mention that Little Angel Theatre workshops are top-notch. Their instructions and guidance make you feel like a creative genius no matter the subject matter, and I’d recommend going even if the theme were “Make a puppet lamp post.” 

Find out more: https://www.littleangeltheatre.com/whats-on/family-workshops-world-parrot-day/  

👍 Milner Street Playground isn’t anything spectacular, but it’s a cute, quiet space with equipment suitable for a variety of ages. Again: nothing special. But a nice, safe place for your parrots to get some fresh air and experience the world for the first time. 

👍 Head to Udderlicious and be glad you’re at the Islington branch (where the ice cream of the month is pear, vanilla & chocolate) rather than the Covent Garden one (where it’s matcha and pistachio – urgh yuck gross). There are other flavours too, of course, including plenty for the vegans. 

Sunday 26 May, 12:00–16:00
How Does It Feel (HDIF) Children’s Disco, The Phoenix, 37 Cavendish Square, W1G 0PP
Adults (15+) £6; children (0–14) £2

You’ve probably heard of a regular daytime family rave in London called Big Fish Little Fish. The music is “grown-up club music”, but there are bubble machines, face-painting stalls and craft tables for the kids – because kids generally aren’t into mind-numbingly repetitive noise designed for gyrating in dimly lit rooms.

(If you’re into “grown-up club music”, you’ll LOVE Big Fish Little FIsh.)

Not all kids are into jangly guitars and lo-fi production either – so I won't pretend the HDIF daytime indie disco is for everyone. But if you possess a fringe and a pair of Converse trainers (or once did), you’ll have a blast here. And your kids will be fine because there are glowsticks galore. 

Plus it’s not strictly indie: when we went last time, there were a fair few tunes that sounded suspiciously more “poppy” to our ears. Not “Shake It Off”-style pop, but “Common People”-level pop (which, incidentally, was by far the most danced-to song of the afternoon). 

The venue is the basement of a pub, which means yes: there’s alcohol. We saw plenty of home-brought snacks for kids, so it really is the best of both worlds. HDIF is far more low-key than Big Fish Little Fish – but what it lacks in glitter cannon, it makes up for in the avoidance of tinnitus. 

Find out more: https://www.howdoesitfeel.co.uk/hdifkidsdisco.html 

You’re in central London, so you’re pretty much inundated with options. Here are some favourites: 

👍 The Twist Museum is 0.1 miles away. It’s basically a “museum of illusions” and it’s jolly good fun (albeit overpriced) for all ages. 

👍 South Molten Street is a quaint little pedestrianised street south of Oxford Street (next to the Bond Street Elizabeth Line station). If you like coffee, cake, and the kinds of boutique clothing stores that give you structured cardboard bags with rope handles for your purchases, this is the place to go. 

👍 The NOW Building at Outernet by Tottenham Court Road tube station has four-storey wraparound screens that are visible from the street (although the idea is that you walk into the space and take a seat on one of the benches). The shows change constantly, so check out Outernet’s Instagram page for what’s on now (and some incredible videos). 

👍 Marugame Udon in St Christopher’s Place is great for cheap noodles that are 100% more delicious than anything you’ll find in Wagamama. There’s a children’s menu for smaller tummies (which we maaaay also use for sampling other meal options as side dishes). 

Saturday, 11:00–19:00; Sunday, 12:00–17:00
ExCeL London, 1 Western Gateway, E16 1XL
Standard entry £28 (Saturday) and £22 (Sunday); children under 10 free

When I first took my son on the newly opened Elizabeth Line, it was on the same day as Comic Con 2022. Even now, two years later, he still thinks of it as a commuter line for superheroes who are too tired to fly or whose jet packs have run out of batteries. 

We’ve never actually been inside Comic Con, but our Iron Man-filled train journey made us realise it’d be fun just to stand outside the venue and watch various fanfiction favourites come and go. You could do that too, or you could buy tickets and actually go inside to experience it in full. 

And WHAT an experience it’ll be (he says, having never been). It’s hard to summarise it here – especially when most of my word count went towards an unrelated anecdote about a train journey – but I’ll try. To me, it seems that the highlights this year include: kid-friendly Q&As with voice actors and creators; cosplay showcases, tutorials and competitions; tips on costume-making and performance; drawing workshops by professional artists; storytelling sessions; dedicated kids’ zone with games and activities; and character meet-and-greets. 

There’s an awful lot to do and see, and experienced visitors advise that you plan your day(s) in advance to avoid overwhelm and tantrums.

Find out more: https://www.mcmcomiccon.com/london/en-us/home.html 

Saturday and Sunday, 12:00–18:00
Level 0 (near Next), Westfield Shopping Centre, Ariel Way, W12 7GF
FREE

I’m trying to keep up with Gen Z terminology, so I’ll say “it’s been a minute” since I last went to Westfield. If that means “it’s been a long time,” great: that’s what I was trying to say. Getting old is hard. 

So. It’s been quite a while since I last went to Westfield, and I can’t remember it being very nature-y at the time. Maybe things have changed. Maybe they’re trying to put a positive spin on a bug infestation problem. Or maybe the word “nature” has also changed its meaning. 

Whatever’s going on, you and your kids get to prove that “there is such a thing as a Gruffalo” by meeting him and shaking his paw. After that, you can collect a Nature Hunt sheet and use it to mark off various finds. There’s a special prize if you can complete the sheet. 

I probably wouldn’t bother with all this if you’re not in the area anyway, but if you need to drag your kids to the shops for a bluetooth meat thermometer and foam roller, this will be a good way to break up their boredom.

Find out more: https://www.westfield.com/united-kingdom/london/events-detail/meet-the-gruffalo,-then-embark-on-a-nature-adventure!

Saturday 25th, 11:00–17:00
50 St Katharine's Way, E1W 1LA
FREE

Remember that scene in Dunkirk (“The Harry Styles film”) when all the little privately owned boats went to rescue British troops from the beaches of Dunkirk? There were 850 “little ships” in total, and many of them have survived and been beautifully preserved. 

You can see and step inside them this weekend at St Katharine Docks. The docks holds regular “see the boats and step inside them” events throughout the year, and the owners are always extremely kind and knowledgeable – and they’ll be able to answer any questions you have. 

It’s all very child-friendly – although you’ll need to teach your own kid how to say and spell “St Katharine Docks” correctly to avoid anyone’s wrath. (It’s NOT “St Katherine’s Dock”.)

Find out more: https://www.skdocks.co.uk/events/dunkirks-at-the-docks-adls-commemorative-cruise/ 

👍 Tower Bridge is just around the corner, as is the Tower of London. 

👍 There’s a hotel nearby called CitizenM, which has a huge, fantastic lobby that children seem to love. There are comfy seats everywhere, fun-looking books and magazines, and it’s generally just a great place to hang out. The lobby serves coffees and various snacks. 

👍 Over the river, across Tower Bridge, is Shad Thames – one of the most beautiful streets in London (check out some photos here). There are plenty of places to eat and get a drink here, and there’s also a Shad Thames Trail if you want to dig into the genuinely interesting history of the place. 

From 31 May (but most Saturdays are booked up for the first few weeks already)
Riverside Building, County Hall, Westminster Bridge Road, SE1 7PB
Adults £39; children £29; under 2s free (but no buggies allowed within the experience)

It’s yet another “immersive experience”, but everyone seems to be super excited about this one. It doesn’t open until 31 May – which means there aren’t any reviews yet – but tickets are going surprisingly fast considering how expensive it is.