🪐 5 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (24–26 August)

Hey DiLFs! 

The results from last week’s poll are in! A whopping 93% of you would like to receive a quick, extra email from me every week, containing events and activities you should book now (before they sell out). Which means this extra email is going to happen!

For the 7% of you who don’t want it, there’s no need to worry: I’ll make sure you won’t have to receive it. 

Once I’ve figured out the logistics of researching and writing it, I’ll ask you to opt in again. Stay tuned! 

In the meantime, enjoy the links for this weekend. 

Cheers, 

Jeff xx

1: Attend a festival you’ll be discussing for months

Greenwich + Docklands International Festival
Saturday and Sunday (and then other days until 8 September)
Events take place throughout the borough of Greenwich
FREE

“Never fails to surprise and delight,” says the Guardian, about this annual outdoor theatre and performing arts festival that takes place across the entire borough. I’ve never attended before, so I can’t comment on whether or not it’s a delight. What I can tell you – after seeing what’s on offer – is that it’s certainly surprising. 

One of my most highly anticipated events for this weekend is something called “Thaw: Legs on the Wall”, in which you’ll see a performer stand on top of a block of ice that’s been hoisted 20 metres above the water. He or she will stay there for EIGHT HOURS. TWO DAYS IN A ROW. And there’ll be music by an Alaskan composer playing somewhere nearby to add to the drama. The organisers describe it as a “durational performance that’s part art installation, part slow-drip suspense thriller”. Bonkers. 

Ever so slightly less bizarre (but still very much in the category of “wtf”) is something called “Pram People”: “Families are invited to decorate their prams in colourful ribbon and use headphones to follow playful prompts and clues.” It’s a “colourful celebration of connection between grown-ups and young people”, in which you’ll “discover newfound meaning in the magic of prams and the people who use them”. 

There are also patois performances (dance styles and moves that are influenced by traditional Caribbean, rhythms, expressions and improvisational elements) that look fantastic. And family-friendly street theatre, circus and dance installations in Stratford Park. Plus an architectural playspace made from bamboo, and an “immersive family adventure to the moon” that features circus, storytelling and hip-hop. 

I’m just… I don’t know how to process all this. I can’t wait. 

Find out more: https://festival.org/gdif/ 

• Note 1: at the time of writing, the complete schedule can only be viewed on this mid-1990s-style flipbook).

• Note 2: all events mentioned above are available on Saturday and/or Sunday this weekend. Other events take place on other days.

2: Do Oktoberfest (but with children, in London, in August)

Big Swig Beer Fest
Saturday 24 August, 12:00
Big Penny Social, 1 Priestley Way, E17 6AL
Adults need a FREE ticket; children don’t need a ticket at all

There’s no getting around it: the only thing “child friendly” about this event is that children are allowed to attend before 19:00. Unless your kids are keen to witness your reactions to some of the 120 keg beers and 75 cask beers on offer, there’s not a lot for them to do. (There’ll be live music on offer, but I doubt that’ll move the needle in any meaningful way towards “as good as the Harry Potter studio tour”.)

The great thing about children, though, is that they can enjoy themselves anywhere. Right? Let’s test that and see. 

I suggest you go with a couple of other families, take along some travel games or a skipping rope, and leave the youngsters to play while you rank as many £6 pints as you can manage while still acting responsibly. 

Find out more: https://bigpennysocial.co.uk/big-swig 

While you’re there…

👍️ (Not really a “while you’re there…”) If you can’t make the beer festival on Saturday, perhaps you can go to the Bank Holiday Garden Party the following day? It’s at the same venue, but the partying will be moved outside (weather permitting) and the music will come courtesy of a DJ. The beer won’t be quite as good value, but you will be able to get an Aperol Spritz for £6 between 12:00 and 16:00.  

👍️ Want a completely different vibe before/after all the partying? Just behind Big Penny Social is a collection of ten reservoirs that are collectively known as Walthamstow Wetlands. It’s the main source of water supply for 3.5 million people, as well as an internationally important nature reserve that provides home and shelter to a range of wildlife. It’s a beautiful and peaceful area to visit, with plenty of walking paths and lots of bird-spotting to be had. Check out these photos for an idea of what it’s like. 

3: Go on an owl (sculpture) hunt in North London

Big Fun Art Adventure: owl sculpture trail
North London
Saturday and Sunday, all day (and every day until 13 October)
FREE (but please consider donating, buying merch, or bidding for an owl sculpture!) 

I’m a big fan of owls. They have lovely funny faces. They have an ingenious method for keeping their brain and eyes functioning while their heads are spinning. They have the best collective noun of the entire animal kingdom. And “Twit-twoo” (which, fun fact, is actually a duet) was one of the first animal sounds made by both my boys. 

So I’m definitely in favour of following an art trail of beautiful, uniquely decorated owl sculptures – especially as the owls will then be auctioned off for North London Hospice. 

One problem: there are 50 bloomin’ owls, and it takes between 2 and 30 minutes to walk between each one. Thankfully, the organisers have turned the trail into a series of six mini-trails – so you can do a new trail whenever you have a spare moment over the next few weeks. 

The mini-trails are in the following areas: Alexandra Palace & Muswell Hill; Crouch End; Finsbury Park; Tottenham; Tottenham Hale; Wood Green. And to help you find them all, there’s an app with a map, a reward-collection thing (for discount vouchers, freebies, etc. when you complete certain milestones) and an in-built pedometer. 

Find out more: https://bigfunartadventure.org/ 

4: Learn about the solar system with a child-friendly planetarium show

Ted’s Space Adventure
Saturday and Sunday, 11:30 (and other weekdays during the summer holidays)
Greenwich Observatory, Blackheath Avenue, SE10 8XJ
Adults £12, children £6

As a direct consequence of having a good-looking physics teacher in school, my understanding of the solar system is non-existent. So when my eldest was born, I figured there’d come a time when we could learn about it together – starting, of course, with a trip to the Baker Street Planetarium. 

After a Thomas & Friends phase that looked like it would last well into old age, we eventually made it to “Daddy: what’s the moon for?” And only then did I realise that the Baker Street Planetarium closed down in 2006 – a full 12 years before he was born. “Fine,” I sighed. “Off to Greenwich we go.”

Except ALL the family shows at the Greenwich Observatory were for those aged 7+, and under-5s were banned. 

That’s now changed, thank goodness, with regular shows for under-7s called Ted’s Space Adventure. Children are taken on a journey through the solar system, learning about what we find there and how it all affects us. There’s music and rhyme, and it sounds brilliant.  I just wish it had existed back when I was trying to explain why the sun doesn’t need to turn off at night. 

Find out more: https://www.rmg.co.uk/whats-on/planetarium-shows/teds-space-adventure 

While you’re there…

👍️ Straddle the Prime Meridian Line!! 

👍️ You’re right by the other museums that, along with the Royal Observatory, make up Royal Museums Greenwich: Cutty Sark, National Maritime Museum and Queen’s House.

👍️ At the National Maritime Museum, it’s your last chance to see the Astronomer Photographer of the Year (2023) exhibition. There are 100 photos displayed in the exhibition, and a proportion of them have won prizes in various categories – which means you get to decide if you agree with the judging panel’s decisions. 

5: Attend a food festival in a palace, with kids’ activities aplenty 

Hampton Court Palace Food Festival
Saturday, Sunday and Monday, 10:00–18:00
East Molesey, Surrey, KT8 9AU
FREE with entry ticket (adults £30, children 5–15 £15, children 0–4 free)

Curries and stir fries, brisket buns, steak, guacamole, plantain, arepas, sushi, buttercream cakes, cheese, brownies, churros, sausages, fudge, fruit liqueurs, Pimms, local wines and loads more. Shame Henry VIII isn’t around anymore: he’d have loved all this. 

Indulge yourself silly in his honour while relishing the picture-perfect grounds of his former home. For the kids, there’s also face painting, shire horse rides, arts and crafts, traditional fete games and circus skills. 

Everything will be accompanied by live music from “some of the finest local bands”. I’ve never heard of “Polka Dots Trio”, “UnderDogs” or “JC Singer”, but I have heard of “ABBA”. I guess globalisation makes everything “local” these days? (If I were you, I wouldn’t get my hopes up about seeing the real thing.)

Find out more: https://www.hrp.org.uk/hampton-court-palace/whats-on/hampton-court-palace-food-festival/ 

While you’re there… 

👍️ You need to buy a not-exactly-cheap entry ticket to get access to the food festival, so you may as well make the most of what the palace and grounds have to offer. There’s SO much to see, so here are some links to what I consider the best bits: 

• The Magic Garden (children’s playground)

• The world’s largest grape vine (mainly so you can tell people you’ve seen the world’s largest grape vine)

• The Great Hall (evidence that Henry had taste)

• Cumberland Art Gallery (all the greats and no unmade beds or porcelain urinals in sight)

• Pond Gardens (misleading name: no pond)

• And, of course, the maze. Please read the maze page. There’s so much pride in aspects of the maze that no one cares about. I’m not being sarcastic: I love reading stuff like this. 

Extra! Sing out the summer all weekend long 

Sing Out the Summer
Saturday and Sunday, 13:00–22:00; Monday 12:00–18:00
Riverside Terrace, Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX
FREE 

There’s a full roster at this three-day Southbank singing event. Every day from lunchtime-ish onwards, there are pop-up performances and vocal workshops from a variety of singing groups and choirs. 

It’s all taking place on the Riverside Terrace, and – before your children give you embarrassed nudges and tell you to stop singing – you’re encouraged to join in. 

Find out more: 

• Saturday: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/sing-out-the-summer-saturday/ 

• Sunday: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/sing-out-the-summer-sunday/ 

• Monday: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/sing-out-the-summer-monday/