⚔️ 5 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (19–20 July)

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Hey DILFs!

The Lord Mayor’s Balloon Regatta might be happening this Sunday morning!!! Then again, it probably won’t: it’s best known for not actually happening most years due to various types of weather. This year, the original May date was scrapped because of wind. Last May, the wind failed to show up altogether, which was apparently also a problem. Then the July back-up was rained off, and the back-up to the back-up was too windy again. Basically, don’t get your hopes up – but do keep an eye out, just in case.

If it does go ahead, it’s spectacular. Up to 50 hot air balloons launch from Battersea Park at 05:30, led by the official Lord Mayor’s Appeal balloon carrying the Lord Mayor and Lady Mayoress. The balloons then drift across central London – over Tower Bridge, Buckingham Palace, the Houses of Parliament and the London Eye. It looks wonderful.

It also raises funds and awareness for the Lord Mayor’s Appeal, so it’s not just a very scenic excuse to wake up before the bins.

Check the official website or Instagram the night before – so you’ll know whether to set your alarm or roll over and forget any of this ever happened.

And now for some other events and activities this weekend… 

Enjoy! 

Jeff xx

1: Uncover strange new shapes between the office blocks

Sculpture in the City
Saturday and Sunday, 24/7 (and every day until spring 2026)
Throughout the City of London
FREE
Age guidance: suitable for all

The other week, we did what we always do in early summer: went to the Royal Academy’s Summer Exhibition. Some of the art was brilliant. Some of it was… interesting. All of it was immensely enjoyable. 

While making our way through the various rooms, we spotted a painting by my mother-in-law’s long-standing nemesis (don’t ask), Michael Craig-Martin. It’s called Untitled (Tulip), which confuses me greatly. Why say nothing, and then whisper the answer in brackets? Who spends months painting a giant tulip and then clocks off when it’s time to give it a name?

I was reminded of this while reading about Sculpture in the City, which returns to the Square Mile again this summer. The line-up hasn’t been announced yet, but based on previous years, I feel confident in saying at least 25% of the works will be called Untitled. Last year, four sculptures went nameless – which was even more maddening than Untitled (Tulip), because it was extremely non-obvious what these things were AND there weren’t even any helpful parenthesised giveaways.

According to my good friend Chat GPT, “Some artists don’t want to steer the viewer’s interpretation. A title like Despair in Blue tells you how to feel. Untitled lets you decide.” Which, fine. Whatever. 

Naming gripes aside, Sculpture in the City is one of the best ways to stumble across contemporary art without setting foot inside a gallery. Each summer, a new batch of works is installed throughout the Square Mile – tucked beside office buildings, near medieval churches, or suddenly looming over you in the middle of a pedestrian cut-through. There’s a free map to help you track them down if you’re not into the idea of a wild goose chase in the heat of summer, and the entire thing is great for families: no tickets, no hushed galleries, and no roped areas that make a piercing sound when someone tries to somersault over them. Just big (and sometimes baffling) public art – yours to interpret or rename however you see fit. 

Find out more: https://www.sculptureinthecity.org.uk/ 

2: Attend a fun-filled birthday party with zero expectations of you 

Camden Art Centre 60th Anniversary Party
Saturday 19 July, 11:00–22:00
Camden Art Centre, Arkwright Road, NW3 6DG
FREE
Age guidance: suitable for all

I don’t know about you, but I stopped doing anything “special” for my birthday when I was about 16: it didn’t really make sense to celebrate my existence by demanding people attend my party and buy me things. If I were Dame Judi Dench or one of the Cheeky Girls, fair enough. I’d think, “YEAH, I’ve achieved some stuff in my life. Let’s celebrate ME!” But I’m not, so I don’t. 

For cultural institutions, though, I understand the desire to mark the occasion. Their continued existence is the result of years of planning, fundraising, programming, community-building and dealing with unexpected attempts to hack their websites. They deserve a chance to let their hair down when they hit a milestone birthday – especially as they never expect a present or even a card. All they want is for you to turn up and enjoy the free entertainment.

One such birthday is taking place this weekend. Camden Art Centre turns 60 (can you believe it? It doesn’t look a day over 21), and is “hosting a day of workshops, family activities, exhibition tours and more”.

Workshops include children’s ceramics (ages 5–11, booking essential), art-making (all ages, booking essential), and mapping the garden (all ages, drop-in), which are available at various time slots throughout the day. There’s also a family-friendly drop-in studio, where you can “make and experiment with a wide range of materials”. Live music kicks off at 18:30, featuring DJs I’ve never heard of playing music that isn’t pop – so I’ll leave before that bit starts. Booking is required for that too.

It’s all free – even the stuff you need to book. And unlike your mates’ birthday parties, it’s very unlikely you’ll have to make small talk with a friend of a friend while you’re there. 

Find out more: https://camdenartcentre.org/whats-on/60th-anniversary-party

While you’re there… 

👍️ Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Sigmund.
Sigmund who?
Sigmund Cock. Oh, I mean Freud. Sigmund Freud. 

I’ve been waiting WEEKS for an excuse to tell that joke.

So, yes, the Freud Museum. You may think it’s not the ideal place to take a child, but there’s so much more to learn about the guy than the Oedipus-related stuff – and it’s all here in the museum. This is the actual house he and his family lived in when they came to London from Austria in 1938, as refugees from Nazi persecution. They brought all their furniture and other items with them – and the house has been preserved exactly as they left it.

To make things super easy and accessible, there’s a handy “plan your visit” page on the website, which suggests what to explore depending on how much time you have to spare – whether it’s 30 minutes, 60 minutes, 90 minutes, two hours or more than two hours. (If you have more than two hours, the advice is pretty much “Buy some stuff in the gift shop and, you know, hang out.”)

Excitingly, you can see his famous psychoanalytic couch and desk. There’s also the weird chair that had been designed especially for him, which accommodated his preferred seating posture (legs over one arm of the chair), and his 2,000-odd antiquities that are arranged on every surface. The garden is open to visitors too – a peaceful, well-kept space with benches, shady trees and quiet corners to sit.

3: Fold paper weapons and dance like a ninja

Ura Matsuri’s Daylight Ninjas
Saturday 19 July, 13:00–15:00
Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX
FREE
Age guidance: 5+

Imagine, for a moment, that this Japanese showcase at the Southbank Centre were actually an England-themed extravaganza at the National Theatre of Japan. 

Instead of “a live performance of traditional and original shamisen [three-stringed instrument] pieces”, we’d have a live performance of traditional and original pieces for spoons and accordion. Rather than the music being accompanied by Enka – traditional Japanese ballads – there’d be a heartfelt rendition of My Old Man’s a Dustman.

We wouldn’t have an origami workshop like there is here – in which we’d learn how to fold the Ninja’s infamous “shuriken” (spinning mini-spear). We’d have a Blue Peter-style craft session, where we’d learn how to make a rocket out of a washing-up bottle.

And legendary Japanese punk-pop performance group Frank Chickens wouldn’t be on stage teaching us a dance routine for their hit song We Are Ninja: we’d have Black Lace leading a dance routine to their hit song Agadoo instead.

I don’t wish to degrade my country, but I know which sounds like a better afternoon – and I know you know it too. So thank goodness it’s us sitting cross-legged for a paper stabby thing – and not Tokyo politely clapping along to spoons. 

Find out more: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ura-matsuris-daylight-ninjas/

While you’re there… 

👍️ More Freud-adjacent stuff! There’s a new exhibition at the Southbank Centre called Freudian Typo. I haven’t been yet, but it’s most definitely on my list. 

According to the Southbank Centre, Freudian Typo is a playful, pun-filled way to show how the English language – especially the kind used in business, banking and property – quietly shapes the way we think about land, bodies and truth. It suggests that language isn’t neutral: the words we use around debt, ownership and value help reinforce systems that benefit some and deprive others. 

Throughout the exhibition, the artists draw on old English nursery rhymes such as The Old Woman and Her Pig and This Is the House That Jack Built to show how innocent-seeming little songs are in fact full of ideas about money, exchange, debt and things going wrong – and how these long-standing storylines still echo in today’s language of ownership, risk and collapse.

I realise this entire thing doesn’t sound very “playful”, but given there’s a sculpture of a government cat involved, I’m assuming it doesn’t take itself too seriously.

4: Cheer as knights try to unhorse each other for fun

Henry VIII’s Joust
Saturday and Sunday: joust at 11:00, 13:30 and 16:00 and falconry at 12:30 and 15:00
Hampton Court Palace, East Molesey, KT8 9AU
FREE with entry ticket (adults £30.90, children 5–15 £15.50, children 0–4 free)
Age guidance: suitable for all

Henry VIII’s favourite sport will be taking place at this annual event at Hampton Court Palace, to celebrate the fact that Ol’ Swipe-Leftalot once nearly died under a horse while taking part, and never played again after the accident. Weird thing to celebrate, but sure. Why not. 

Henry VIII’s Joust is a day-long armour-clanking spectacle where you get to watch a jousting performance at a timeslot of your choice, then witness a falconry display with commentary from people who know exactly how to keep your child interested in the dietary habits of a kestrel for a full ten minutes.

But birds shmirds. You can watch an owl do clever things at London Zoo. You’re here for the magnificent, noble and absurdly brave sport of “people on horses trying to knock each other off with giant pointy sticks”. 

The format of jousting is simple: two knights on horseback must charge at each other from opposite ends of a barrier (called the tilt) with long wooden lances. The goal is to score points: 1 point for a hit on the opponent’s shield or body, 2 points if the lance breaks on impact, and 3 points for “unhorsing” their opponent. There aren’t many other rules, other than “Don’t aim for the head, because that’s mean.” 

The joust and falconry displays are both included in Hampton Court Palace admission: you don’t need to pre-book anything else. It means you also get access on the day to all the other things HCP has to offer. My favourites include: 

• The Magic Garden (children’s playground)

• The world’s largest grape vine (useful for winning any pub quizzes about horticultural superlatives)

• The Great Hall (evidence that Henry had taste)

• Cumberland Art Gallery (all the greats)

• Pond Gardens (misleading name: no pond)

• And, of course, the maze

Find out more: https://www.hrp.org.uk/hampton-court-palace/whats-on/henry-viiis-joust/ 

5: Marvel at the weirdest line-up in festival history

Soho Village Fete
Sunday 20 July, 12:00–18:00
St Anne’s Gardens, 55 Wardour Street, W1D 6QU
FREE
Age guidance: suitable for all

This is, without a doubt, the single best line-up of activities I’ve ever seen for a summer festival. The question I now have to ask myself is: do I really believe that? Or am I just relieved that I’m not seeing a list that includes face painting, a bouncy castle and a craft table with paper crowns? I think it’s a bit of both, tbh.

The Soho Village Fete is bonkers, in a brilliant way. Where else can you see a spaghetti-eating competition anywhere, let alone in a postcode where carbs are still treated like the Antichrist? Or a dog show in a part of town where most residents don’t have space for a wardrobe, let alone a labrador? Or snail racing? And what on earth is a “human fruit machine”? WHO CARES!!! It sounds amazing.

There’s also a “waiters’ race”, which is for genuine waiters only. The rules are numerous, specific and emphatic. Real uniforms must be worn, and waiters “must look fantastic”. Each competitor will be given “a tray, a napkin, a half bottle of Champagne and a Champagne glass”. The tray “must be held in one hand only. Two hands may only be used to steady items on the tray for no more than three paces.” And lots of other joyfully unnecessary regulations about judging, infringements and dead heats. I can’t believe so much effort has gone into such a ridiculous tradition, but I’m excited in spite of myself.

The website doesn’t contain any further information about the “Tug of war: Soho Police vs Soho Fire Service”, but I’m guessing it gets as competitive as the Oxford v Cambridge boat race and I’m determined to uncover previous years’ stats.

This is either the best day out in London, or the strangest dream I’ve ever had. Either way, I’m going.

Find out more: https://www.thesohosociety.org.uk/ 

While you’re there… 

👍️ If you’ve even heard of the Seven Noses of Soho – let alone tried to find them – please accept my metaphorical approving grunt. The project began in 1997, when artist Rick Buckley created 35 plaster casts of his own nose and stuck them to prominent buildings around London. It was a quiet protest against the rise of CCTV and the creeping presence of Big Brother – placing a nose, quite literally, under the nose of the surveillance state. 

Most of the noses have been removed, but seven (duh!) remain for you to seek out and take Leaning Tower-esque photos with – but with your finger poking around for a bogey rather than holding up a building. 

My family and I have found three noses so far, and it’s harder than you’d think – even with the assistance of multiple blog posts, videos and maps. So if I were you, I’d incorporate some snout-spotting into a day when you’ll already be in the area (rather than, like me, as a dedicated family outing to celebrate my birthday).  

Even if you don’t fancy it, read up on the history and some of the wild conspiracy theories – they’re so much fun.