🥙 5 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (17–18 May)

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Hey DILFs! 

Purely out of nosiness, I’d love to know: what’s the most disproportionately stressful part of leaving the house with children? Below are some options, but feel free to add your own: 

Results next week!

Now… on with the rest of the newsletter. 

Happy weekending, 

Jeff xx

1: See Aesop’s Fables come to life – on a barge, with puppets

The Hare and the Tortoise
Saturday and Sunday, 11:00 and 14:00 (and other dates until 22 June)
Puppet Theatre Barge, Blomfield Road (opposite 35), W9 2PF
Adults £14, 2–16s £10, under-2s free
Age guidance: 4–10

Tickets for this weekend are running low! 

The main reason I’m listing this performance is because I need to apologise for the time I last discussed the Puppet Theatre Barge:

That’s right. I used the word “theater”, and I’ve been feeling queasy ever since. I’m so so very sorry. 

If I knew how or why it happened, I’d be in a better place mentally. But I don’t, which is why I now flinch every time I see the letters “e” and “r” near each other. I’ve relinquished friendships for less egregious behaviour, so I understand if I’m currently on linguistic probation with any DILFs.

The second reason for listing this performance is it’s BRILLIANT. I saw it the other week with my two boys, and I think it’s one of the Puppet Barge’s all-time greats. It’s helped, of course, by the fact that the stories (a few of Aesop’s Fables are told, not just the hare/tortoise one) are subtle and clever in a low-key way that more modern, bash-you-over-the-head-with-the-moral children’s shows often aren’t. 

The marionette animals are beautiful, and I’m in awe of the puppeteers pulling the strings: their work is an art form. (Check out a little highlight reel here.) Shout-out to the acrobatic monkey, who made us all gasp in fear, awe and amazement. Even my toddler stopped moving. That’s the review, if they want it: “Even my toddler stopped moving.”

Find out more: https://www.puppetbarge.com/the-hare-and-the-tortoise 

2: Let Olaf Falafel teach your child about comedy, art and cauliflower

Olaf Falafel Live!
Saturday 17 May, 13:00
Bridewell Hall, St Bride Foundation, 14 Bride Lane, EC4Y 8EQ
Adults £7.21, under-18s £6.56
Age guidance: 7+

Until yesterday, I knew precisely two things about Olaf Falafel: 1) he won the “Funniest Joke” award at the Edinburgh Fringe and, via a process of deduction, 2) he’s a comedian. His Fringe-winning joke is perfect: 

"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' – I think I might have florets.”

(It’s also a joke that’s timeless – whereas 2008’s winner seems a bit “Eesh” to me.)

Since my deep-dive this morning, I now know that Olaf Falafel is also an illustrator, a children’s book author, a presenter of an art show for children on YouTube, and a children’s comedian (with kid-friendly gags and no swearing). If you did last year’s Penguin Parade sculpture trail, you’ll already be familiar with some of his work: he illustrated the map and narrated the penguin facts on the accompanying audio guide.

At this event, which is part of the Fleet Street Quarter’s Festival of Words, he’s reading from his current picture books: the Trixie Pickle Art Avenger series (age 7–10), and Blobfish (age 3–9). Interspersed with the reading will be on-stage art, jokes about farts, and bum-faced snails. 

No falafel-making, unfortunately – but that might be because Olaf Falafel isn’t his real name. His real name is Derek Chickpeas. 

Find out more: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/olaf-falafel-live-tickets-1299212161549?aff=odcleoeventsincollection 

While you’re there… 

👍️ There are a couple of other events at the Festival of Words that have been marked “family friendly”. The first is a drop-in visit to the St Bride Foundation, to see its print workshop and “experience the amazing craft and history of letterpress printing”. Many of the people you’ll meet actually worked on Fleet Street in its newspaper heyday; they’ll “show you fascinating items from the collections, let you get your hands inky among their treasury of historic presses and share stories of working in the print trade at its height”. 

👍️ The second is all about Guinness World Records, which is celebrating its 70th anniversary this year. The Editor-in-Chief of the publication will explain how it all began (in the Fleet Street Quarter, no less) and how record-breaking has changed over the years. There’ll also be “an opportunity to take part and maybe even set your own Guinness World Records title”. 

3: Wander through jewellery and wildflowers 

Alex Monroe: Into the Wild
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–17:00 (and daily until 1 June)
Garden Museum, Lambeth Palace Road, SE1 7LB
Free with museum entry (adults £15, 7–18s £8.50, under-7s free)

According to the Garden Museum, this isn’t just a craft exhibition – it’s an “invitation to introspection” and a reflection on our “complicity in the degeneration of the natural environment.” Which is a surprising amount of existential weight to hang on a man best known for miniature silver bumblebees and the odd stegosaurus.

That man is Alex Monroe – a jewellery designer whose Paleontology Nugget Necklace was seen on “HRH Princess of Wales Kate Middleton” – a name she will no doubt be fuming over. He’s teamed up with floral artist Hazel Gardiner to create sculptural displays based on five endangered UK habitats, featuring silver plants, pressed flowers, pots glazed with hay ash, and a respectable amount of sketching.

It’s all meant to encourage quiet reflection and slowing down – or at the very least, a wander through some nicely arranged foliage. There’s also a jewellery collection in the shop, obviously, in case you suddenly feel moved to commemorate a wildflower meadow with earrings.

Find out more: https://gardenmuseum.org.uk/exhibitions/alex-monroe-into-the-wild/ 

While you’re there…

👍️ I’m hoping to visit (and do a write-up of) Cecil Beaton’s Garden Party – the Garden Museum’s big exhibition of the season – soon. It’s just opened and I haven’t come across any official reviews yet, but I’m pretty sure it’ll be ace. 

4: Explore Munch’s emotional range, from mild unease to full existential crisis

Edvard Munch Portraits
Saturday 10:30–21:00 and Sunday 10:30–18:00 (and daily until 15 June)
National Portrait Gallery, St Martin's Place, WC2H 0HE
Adults £21, under-26s £5, under-12s free

Because my children wake up earlier than a pensioner on bin day, I often book the earliest possible slot for an exhibition on the weekend. It means we’re out and about rather than arguing over whether Diesel or Percy should get the AAA batteries from the robot cat – because that particular feud always ends in disaster. Plus it’s lovely to be in the centre of the city before the place is heaving.

And I love how, when we arrive at our destination, there’s almost always a line of people waiting for the place to open. The queue disappears as soon as the doors are unlocked – so it’s not like it’s a hassle in any way – but it’s just nice to see how in-demand these venues and exhibitions continue to be. 

One exhibition that’s been hugely popular is ​​Edvard Munch Portraits at the National Portrait Gallery. We happened to be at the NPG during its debut week (to see The Face Magazine exhibition rather than the Munch one), and it was astonishing to see just how many people were eager to see a man who never let a positive mood get in the way of a painting.

The exhibition focuses on Munch’s portraits — not the famous scream-y ones, but paintings of real people he knew, from family members to fellow artists and scientists. It starts off fairly straightforward (here’s my sister, here’s my writer friend, here’s a physicist I once painted against an aggressively red wall), and then becomes a parade of faces that could only have resulted from prolonged exposure to a Lego-covered floor in poor lighting.

I still haven’t been, because it was sold out for basically ever, and then we had other plans for a few weekends in a row, and then I forgot about it for a while. But the exhibition closes in a few weeks, and I’m determined to see it before it does. Apparently no one paints other people’s inner lives quite so bluntly – and I want to see it for myself.

Find out more: https://www.npg.org.uk/whatson/exhibitions/2025/edvard-munch-portraits/

5: Take your ears on a spacewalk beneath a glowing indoor moon

Jason Singh: Moonscales
Sunday 18 May, 14:00, 15:00, 16:00, 17:00 and 18:00
King’s Place, 90 York Way, N1 9AG 
£10 per person 

Book ASAP: tickets are running out! 

The official write-up for this event includes phrases like “spatialised soundscapes”, “bio data from a ring of Ash trees” and “life cycles of human movement”. So I pasted it into ChatGPT because FFS just no: I’m not prepared to work this hard to understand what the damn event even is.

ChatGPT’s response began with its own – slightly more constructive – diatribe: “It’s practically impenetrable to people who don’t speak fluent ‘exhibition blurb’... It edges into the po-faced when it talks about ‘life cycles of human movement’ without quite explaining what that means… terms like ‘compositions derived from living organisms’ sound profound but are conceptually slippery – what does that actually mean in practice? There’s not a lot of concrete detail about what the experience actually involves beyond ‘you listen to some stuff under a moon.’”

I bloody love ChatGPT.

My Bot Buddy’s best guess at what happens is as follows: “You’ll walk into a darkened space with a large suspended model of the moon at the centre. Around it, you’ll hear eight distinct, immersive soundscapes played through a surround-sound system – one for each lunar phase. The sounds likely include processed recordings of nature (birds, water, wind), subtle vocal elements and electronic textures. You won’t see much beyond the moon itself – the focus is on listening, stillness and atmosphere.”

And that seems like a pretty cool way to spend a Sunday afternoon, if you ask me. There are lots of deeper meanings behind the installation, of course, but my laptop genuinely started overheating when I asked ChatGPT to unpack them. You’ll just have to check it out for yourself and come up with your own.

While you’re there… 

👍️ The Star of Kings pub was once called The Cross Kings, which we can all agree is a much cleverer name. It was a kooky, strange place back in pre-KX-gentrification days, with odd little club nights and a lentil-heavy menu long before “Plant Based” was the modal adjective at every London restaurant. 

The Star of Kings isn’t quite as weird or wonderful as the original, but it has one massive redeeming feature: a pop-up kitchen that’s currently inhabited by Filthy Buns Burger. It’s next to King’s Place, and you should definitely check it out for lunch before the weird moon thing. 

👍️ Samsung KX is basically a juiced-up Apple Store. In addition to loads of devices to try out, there’s a free Gaming Zone (which uses “the most advanced Samsung gaming technology”), a cafe, an area for coworking and a “Support Lounge” (essentially a modestly named Genius Bar). It’s a fab space that’s never too busy, but – even with all the gaming opportunities – it’s only really going to entertain everyone for about an hour or so.