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  • 🥷 32 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (14–15 March)

🥷 32 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (14–15 March)

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Hey DILFs!

If you fancy squeezing in a tiny slice of culture this weekend – and I really do mean tiny – you might enjoy Theatre for One at the Barbican. It’s a curious little setup that’s part-confessional, part tiny-theatre booth: you step inside, sit down opposite an actor, and they perform a five-minute play just for you.

There are six short pieces in rotation, all written specially for the project by some very impressive Irish writers. You simply join the queue, wait your turn and see which play you end up getting.

The catch is that you have to be 14 or older to take part. So if you’re out with younger kids, they’ll need to loiter patiently nearby for five minutes while you nip inside for your moment of one-to-one theatre.

The performances are free and the whole thing only takes a few minutes – so if it starts feeling too intense, you’ll be out before you know it.

And if you’re not keen on the idea, not to worry: there are plenty of other adventures to try out this weekend…

Enjoy!

Jeff xx

PS if you’ve ever looked at Thames Rockets and thought “that looks fun but absolutely not at that price” (rather than, say, “that looks cold and terrifying”), they’re running a sale: £15 off per person on Rocket Rebel, for all Sundays in March. To get the offer, click through and hit the “£15 off” banner just below the heading.

Letter Writing Sunday at Dr Johnson's House
Sunday 15 March, drop in between 12:00 and 16:00 (with short talks at 13:00, 14:00 and 15:00)
Dr Johnson’s House, 17 Gough Square, EC4A 3DE
Free with admission (adults £10, 5–15s £5, under-5s free)

I had to fill in a form the other day. And then I had to fill in the same form again, because the receptionist couldn’t read what I’d scrawled. And then I had to do it again. I kid you not: I had to fill in three of the same form because my writing is illegible. Apparently my “@” sign looks like an “e”. My name received a “Huh?” And my concerted effort at a decipherable postcode received the damning verdict: “That’s not a postcode.”

This is what technology does to people. And you may be thinking (as I often do), “So what if we don’t use a pen and paper anymore? Who cares if all written communication is achieved through typing or dictating or getting Claude to come up with something on our behalf?”

But then I thought back to the press release I received from Dr Johnson’s House: “Try your hand at letter writing this Mother’s Day!” And I thought, “Gosh, that’s a point.” A typed-out greetings card is an insult. A written one is so much more meaningful – and just imagine if your child’s Mother’s Day card is written with a quill, on beautiful paper, and folded in a way that would make origami professionals tear up their swans with jealousy.

That’s exactly what you’ll get at Dr Johnson’s House this weekend. Children can try writing with a proper quill and ink, learn how letters were folded and sealed in the 18th century, and hear about the kinds of things people used to write before emojis did all the heavy lifting.

And while you’re there, it’s worth exploring the house itself. This is the actual Fleet Street home where Samuel Johnson compiled his dictionary — five floors of creaky staircases, portraits and prints. It’s small enough not to overwhelm, but grand enough to feel like a proper outing.

While you’re there…

👍️ You’ll be a short walk from the Hunterian Museum, which I’ve never visited but everyone else raves about while making throwy-uppy faces. It’s tucked inside the Royal College of Surgeons, and is a fascinating mix of science, history and weirdness.

There are over 2,000 anatomical specimens inside – including skeletons, preserved organs and medical tools – and some grisly exhibits on Victorian surgical techniques. Other grossnesses include a necklace of human teeth brought to England by the explorer Henry Morton Stanley, a set of dentures belonging to Winston Churchill, and the foot of an Ancient Egyptian mummy dissected by John Hadley in 1763 – ​​marking the first recorded dissection of a mummy in British history. Relevant extra info from Wikipedia: “For reasons that are unclear, an onion was attached to the foot at some point prior to the dissection.”

Cut A Shine St. Patrick's Day – Family Barn Dance
Saturday 14 March, 13:00–16:00
Round Chapel, 1D Glenarm Road, E5 0LY
ÂŁ7 per person (under-1s free)
Age guidance: suitable for all

I think I’ve spotted a loophole in the pricing information for this event, but I’m not going to mention it because £7 already feels like an absolute bargain.

This family barn dance for St Patrick’s Day includes nearly two hours of guided Irish céilí dancing – with plenty of child-friendly numbers included – and a children’s disco to finish. There’s also Irish stew and champ (both veggie and meat-based) when you arrive, plus Guinness, stouts, “fine whisky”, tea and coffee, soft drinks, cakes and healthy snacks.

And in case you’re wondering whether you need to produce an Irish grandparent at the door… you don’t. This is very much an “everyone pile in and enjoy” situation.

If you’re bringing a baby of the non-standing variety, they haven’t forgotten about you either. As well as buggy parking, a dedicated baby-change room and free entry for under-1s, there’s also a soft play area so they can have their own, slightly less spin-heavy version of the fun.

And it’s all happening at the Round Chapel in Clapton – a striking 19th-century space with cast-iron columns and plenty of room for enthusiastic spinning.

While you’re there…

👍️ You’re right by Hackney Downs – a lovely little park with lots of open spaces and an impressive ability to pack a lot of facilities in one relatively small patch of green. The children’s play area is what I’ll call a “destination play area”: it’s worth visiting even if you don’t nearby and you’re not planning to do anything else nearby.

👉 Brief interruption in a horrible colour: if this newsletter has earned its keep, you can buy me a coffee. (Completely optional, of course.)

David Hockney: A Year in Normandie and Some Other Thoughts about Painting
Serpentine North, West Carriage Drive, W2 2AR
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–18:00 (and Tuesday–Sunday until 23 August)
FREE, but booking required

Credit: Lorne Campbell, from when the exhibition was on display in Bradford in 2022

I like David Hockney as much as the next person (which, apparently, is slightly more than Francis Bacon and slightly less than J.M.W Turner). I went to see his Lightroom exhibition twice (good news: it’s showing again), and I love the fact that he’s still experimenting: he’s more than twice my age and can navigate an iPad better than most hermitic Roblox-obsessed teenagers.

So, to be clear, no notes on Hockney’s art. Where I start to wobble is with how this exhibition has been described – as if it needs to be tied to some grand historical arc in order for people to pay attention.

Hockney has said that his 90-metre frieze of the changing seasons in Normandy was inspired by the Bayeux Tapestry. And to be fair, they’re both very long works made in Normandy. Beyond that, though, I’m not entirely sure how that information helps us as visitors – it encourages us to go hunting for hidden meanings that may not actually be there. It’s a bit like claiming my Dads in London newsletters were inspired by Bleak House: yes, they both share a certain commitment to length, and they were both written in London, but beyond that… I don’t know what you’re meant to do with that fact.

The Serpentine then adds that, in the context of Kensington Gardens, the work “opens a dialogue with the surrounding nature”. Which I think translates roughly as: you walk through trees to see a very long artwork about trees. Which is lovely – but does it need quite so much ceremonial framing?

Anyway! Enough quibbling over press releases. Because whatever you think of the description, the concept itself is clear: it’s four seasons in one massive stretch of garden.

It’s made up of hundreds of iPad drawings joined together into one continuous strip, which means the colours are clean and punchy rather than muddy and painterly. The greens are very green. The yellows are very yellow, and I won't go on because you know where this is going. Colours be colouring.

What’s perhaps surprising is how cheerful it is, considering it was made in the early months of lockdown – when the rest of us were wiping our bums with leaves and ruining perfectly good kitchenware every Thursday evening. In this frieze, there’s no sense of the world ending. No invasions, no arrows, no one-way systems around the rose beds and no hazard tape on benches.

Best of all, the artwork (along with some other pieces that are fresh from Hockey’s iPad) is entirely free to view – which very much can’t be said for the Lightroom exhibition.

While you’re there…

👍️ I can’t not mention the Diana Memorial Playground in Kensington Gardens, which has a wooden pirate ship (with a beach), sensory trail, teepees, and various play sculptures.

👍️ In addition to the ice skating, bowling and Meatliquor burgers on offer at Queens Skate Dine Bowl, there’s also augmented reality darts (?!), curling and an arcade den. This place should be a case study in under-promising and over-delivering.

👍️ After something more wholesome? You could always grab a Lime bike and cycle around London’s ninth-most popular route of 2023: the Hyde Park bike path.

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Seven Wonders of the World: An Immersive Exhibition
Saturday and Sunday, various timeslots (and Thursday–Monday until 12 April)
106 Commercial Street, London, E1 6LZ
Adults £20.90, 13–17s £17.90, 4–12s £15.90, under-4s free (family bundles are also available)
Age guidance: suitable for all

I’ve always vaguely assumed the Seven Wonders of the World were the definitive seven most extraordinary structures ever created – a kind of ancient, peer-reviewed top table of greatness. It hadn’t occurred to me that the list was more like one of those “Best Things To Do In Paris” articles where a suspiciously specific pizza restaurant takes the top spot.

The ancient version wasn’t sponsored, exactly, but it also wasn’t agreed by any official panel or voting system, or anything remotely democratic. Nope: it was simply compiled by Greek travellers listing the most impressive things in their own known world. It’s worth bearing that in mind as you work your way around this exhibition – the famous “Seven Wonders” were never meant to be a definitive global ranking in the first place.

It’s also useful to remember that, of the seven they selected, only the Great Pyramid still stands. The Hanging Gardens may never have existed in the first place, and the other five have long since disappeared. As a result, most of what we “know” about them comes from descriptions, fragments and the occasional Shoreditch projection screen.

Step inside and the journey begins with an introductory film explaining how and why the original list came to be. From there, you move through themed rooms dedicated to each of the ancient wonders, with projection-mapped visuals, replicas of artefacts and explanatory panels outlining what we know (and in some cases, what we very much don’t).

The Great Pyramid gets the most airtime, with a glowing LED centrepiece and looping animations that attempt to convey its scale and internal structure. For the other wonders, there’s a lot more heavy technical lifting (projections, soundtracks, installations, you name it) to show what they looked like and how huge they must have felt at the time.

Downstairs, things expand. In 2007, someone decided the ancient Greeks shouldn’t have the final say and launched a global vote to crown a new seven. The result? The Great Wall, Petra, Machu Picchu, the Colosseum, Chichén Itzá, Christ the Redeemer and the Taj Mahal – which feels geographically fairer, if nothing else. Here they appear as scaled models and short films, trading lost legends for landmarks you can still visit (budget permitting).

VR features in two forms: smaller headset-based moments dotted throughout the exhibition, and a larger, full-body immersive experience downstairs that comes as part of the VIP ticket – or can be added on to your ticket at an extra cost.

Reviews have been mixed when it comes to adult enjoyment, with some critics suggesting the “immersive” label promises slightly more spectacle than the exhibition ultimately delivers. But everyone seems to agree that the appeal is much more immediate for child visitors – and in addition to all the impressive stuff mentioned above, there are also build-your-own-pyramid stations and “create your own wonder” activities.

It may not be the most dazzling immersive exhibition in London, but as a lively introduction to some of the most famous monuments ever imagined – many of which no longer exist – it’s an easy way to spark a bit of historical curiosity.

While you’re there…

👍️ You’ll be right by the Brick Lane – so if you fancy a wander afterwards, there are vintage shops, street art, market stalls and two salt beef bagel options (but only one place to go if you want the best).

The Dinosaur That Pooped: A Rock Show
Saturday 14 March, 12:30 and 15:30
artsdepot, 5 Nether Street, Tally Ho Corner, N12 0GA
ÂŁ15 per person
Age guidance: 2+

I went to a kids’ stand-up comedy show last weekend (it was excellent, and there are lots more dates available), and it involved plenty of opportunities for kids to raise their hands and contribute with ideas or stories. I’ll tell you this: EVERY SINGLE CONTRIBUTION related to “bottoms” and/or “pooing”. And every time, the other kids would be practically on the floor laughing.

Even though we’re talking about the business end of human digestion here, I still find it incredibly wholesome and innocent that children find it so funny – because believe me, once they’re dealing with council tax, inboxes and lower back pain, they’ll look back fondly on the years when bottoms felt like peak comedy.

So it is with delighted glee that I can share that The Dinosaur That Pooped, the seminal and culturally seismic book series by two of our national treasures, has been made into an on-stage rock show.

Tom Fletcher and Dougie Poynter of pop-punk supergroup McBusted (née pop-rock group McFly) have written ten tomes in the series, each of which follows a young boy called Danny and his dinosaur friend called Dino on an adventure. And every adventure – whether it involves planets, zoos or princesses – inevitably ends with poo. The series has proven so successful that it’s now spawned a full rock show – with music written, of course, by Fletcher and Poynter.

This time, Danny and Dino are trying to get their hands on the last two tickets to see their favourite rock band play its last ever concert. Naturally, there’s a villainous manager, a race against time and a rumbling dinosaur stomach involved. Will they make it to the gig? Will Danny live his rock-star dreams? Or will Dino’s digestive system once again take centre stage?

Reviews suggest that, if you have a child who finds poo hilarious (which, statistically speaking, you probably do), this is an extremely solid bet. Parents report energetic performances, catchy songs, a proper boo-able villain and – crucially – a climactic explosion of foam poo that may be hard to beat for pure entertainment value.

Not everyone has been swept away. A few grown-ups have found it loud, chaotic and perhaps not quite the anarchic theatrical masterpiece they’d hoped for. But even the grumblier reviews tend to concede that the target audience had a very good time.

So manage your expectations. This isn’t subtle satire; it’s about a dinosaur who does a massive dump on stage. If that sentence makes your child light up like a Christmas tree, you’re probably safe to go ahead and book.

👉 Brief interruption in a horrible colour: if this newsletter has earned its keep, you can buy me a coffee. (Completely optional, of course.)

Other listings

This section now brings together both new events I don’t have room to expand on and selected older ones from past newsletters that are still running. If you see a “(see my write-up here)”, that’s your cue to click through and rediscover whatever Past Me felt strongly enough to write about.

Mrs H and the Sing-along Band
Sunday 15 March, 11:00
artsdepot, 5 Nether Street, Tally Ho Corner, N12 0GA
ÂŁ13.75 per person
Age guidance: 0–9

St Patrick’s Day Family Party
Sunday 15 March, 14:00–16:00
Big Penny Social, 1 Priestley Way, E17 6AL
ÂŁ8.50 per person (under-3s free)
Age guidance: suitable for all

Ghosts & Ghouls Family Tour
Various dates and timeslots until 31 October
Shakespeare’s Globe, 21 New Globe Walk, SE1 9DT
Adults ÂŁ28, under-16s ÂŁ21
Age guidance: suitable for all

Last Unicorn Airways
Saturday 14 March, 11:00 and 14:00
Half Moon Young People’s Theatre, 43 White Horse Road, E1 0ND
ÂŁ9 per person
Age guidance: 4+

Architecture on the Thames boat tour central
Saturday 14 March, 13:00–15:45
Depart/return: Crown Pier, Victoria Embankment, EC4Y 0HJ
Adults ÂŁ35.50, under-25s ÂŁ19.50
Age guidance: strictly 7+

Inside Aardman: Wallace & Gromit and Friends (see my write-up here)
Daily until 15 November, 10:00–17:45
Young V&A, Cambridge Heath Road, E2 9PA
ÂŁ11 per person (under-4s free)

Visit the Barbican Conservatory (see my write-up here)
Various dates until 22 March, slots between 12:00 and 17:00
Barbican Centre, Silk Street, EC2Y 8DS
FREE

Samurai (see my write-up here)
Daily until 4 May, 10:00–17:00
British Museum, Great Russell Street, WC1B 3DG
Adults ÂŁ25, under-16s free

Ramses and the Pharaohs' Gold: The Exhibition (see my write-up here)
Daily until 31 May (various timeslots)
Adults £32.05, 5–15s £28.05, under-5s free
Battersea Power Station, 2 Circus Road East, SW11 8DQ
Age guidance: 5+

Rose Wylie: The Picture Comes First
Tuesday–Sunday, 10:00–18:00 (until 21:00 on Fridays) until 19 April
Royal Academy, Burlington House, Piccadilly, W1J 0BD
Adults ÂŁ23, under-16s free

Samuel Laurence Cunnane: Blue Road
Tuesday–Sunday until 3 May, 10:00–18:00 (until 20:00 on Saturdays)
Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX
FREE – no ticket required

Uniqlo Tate Play: Make Studio: Memory
Wednesdays 10:30–15:00 and weekdays 10:30–18:00 until 22 July
Tate Modern, Bankside, SE1 9TG
FREE
Age guidance: suitable for all ages (under-5s only on Wednesdays)

Chiharu Shiota: Threads of Life
Until 3 May, 10:00–18:00 (until 20:00 on Saturdays; closed Mondays)
Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX
Adults £19, 12–16s £8, under-12s free

Who Let The Gods Out
Until 22 March, various start times
Polka Theatre, 240 The Broadway, SW19 1SB
ÂŁ10 per person
Age guidance: 8–13

The Jolly Postman (exhibition)
Tuesday–Sunday until January 2027, 10:00–17:00
The Postal Museum, 15–20 Phoenix Place, WC1X 0DA
Free with museum entry (adults £18.50, 2–15s £11, under-2s free)

Voyage to the Deep – Underwater Adventures
Daily until 1 November, 10:30–17:30
Horniman Museum & Gardens, 100 London Road, SE23 3PQ
Adults ÂŁ9.80, children ÂŁ7, under-3s free
Age guidance: 2+

Octonauts: Adventure at the Horniman
Daily until 1 November, 10:00–17:30
Horniman Museum & Gardens, 100 London Road, SE23 3PQ
FREE

Mundo Pixar Experience (full review coming soon!)
Daily until 28 June, various timeslots throughout the day
Fulton Road, Wembley Park, HA9 0TF
Adults £34, 3–15s £22, under-3s free
Age guidance: suitable for all (but prams will need to be stored in a designated area)

Marie-Antoinette: An Eye for Beauty (see my write-up here)
Daily until 31 March, 10:00–17:00
The Wallace Collection, Hertford House, Manchester Square, W1U 3BN
FREE

Love Letters: Love Letters: 500 years of devotion, longing, sacrifice and passion (see my write-up here)
Tuesday–Sunday until 12 April
The National Archives, Kew, TW9 4DU
FREE – no booking required

Water Pantanal Fire
Daily until 31 May, 10:00–18:00
Science Museum, Exhibition Road, SW7 2DD
Free – admission ticket required

Hawaiʻi: A Kingdom Crossing Oceans
Daily until 25 May, 10:00–17:00 (Fridays until 20:30)
British Museum, Great Russell Street, WC1B 3DG
Adults ÂŁ16, under-16s free

Lucian Freud: Drawing into Painting
Daily until 4 May, 10:30–18:00 (until 21:00 on some days)
National Portrait Gallery, St Martin's Place, WC2H 0HE
Adults £23, 12–25 £5, under-12s free

REPLAY: A Limitless Recycled Playground (see my write-up here)
Daily until 12 April, various slots throughout the day
Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX
ÂŁ7.50 per person
Age guidance: different sessions for 6 months–3 years and 4–11 years (younger children can join older siblings in the older session if necessary)

Tracey Emin: A Second Life (see my write-up here)
Daily until 31 August, 10:00–18:00
Tate Modern, Bankside, SE1 9TG
Adults £14, 12–18s £5, under-12s free