🫢 25 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (20–21 September)

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Hey DILFs!

London appears to have lost its mind. Normally I pick out five things for you — easy, tidy, manageable. But this weekend the city has produced such a flood of exhibitions, fairs, shows and curiosities that whittling them down felt cruel. So instead of cutting, I’ve given in to excess.

What follows is a bumper issue: more events than usual, presented in a manner that can only be described as ridiculous.

Enjoy!

Jeff xx

PS The newsletter is free (and always will be). If you ever think it’s worth the price of an Americano, you can buy me a coffee.

Family days (in the style of a corporate email)

Subject: Operational Update: Upcoming Child-Centric Initiatives for Q3 Leisure Sector

Dear Valued Stakeholder,

We are delighted to announce a portfolio of synergistic initiatives across London, meticulously curated to maximise junior stakeholder engagement, optimise parental satisfaction, and ensure long-term ROI on family leisure strategies.

Whitechapel Gallery: Popcorn! Joy for Stuff
Saturday 20 September, 16:00 | Whitechapel Gallery, 77–82 Whitechapel High Street, E1 7QX | FREE (booking required) | Suitable for all ages

Leverage multi-floor cultural immersion via a live performance strategically distributed across all public spaces of Whitechapel Gallery. Core outputs include soundscapes, movement-based activations, and colour-driven interactions designed to repurpose everyday detritus into value-added aesthetic experiences. Stakeholder benefit: enhanced appreciation of contemporary performance metrics, expanded tolerance for experimental play, and long-term memory dividends generated through shared spectacle.

William Morris Gallery: Screen-Printing with Angry Dan
Saturday 20 September, 13:00–15:00 | William Morris Gallery, Lloyd Park, Forest Road, E17 4PP | FREE (no need to book) | Ages 5+

Align your family’s creative outputs with illustrator Angry Dan’s mural-inspired framework. Participants will operationalise squeegee-based methodologies to produce a black-and-white print, generating scalable artefacts suitable for fridge-door exhibition or long-term under-bed archiving. Risk of paint dispersion remains high; ROI on fun is guaranteed.

Leighton House: Minibeasts and the Garden
Saturday 20 September, 11:00–12:30 and 14:30–16:00 | Leighton House, 12 Holland Park Road, W14 8LZ | £5 per child (FREE for adults) | Ages 5–10s (under-5s won’t be admitted)

Activate your ecological awareness agenda via an insect-centric knowledge sprint. Families will utilise magnifiers, rulers and curiosity KPIs to classify minibeasts in their native ecosystems. Key outputs include scientific insight, improved bug tolerance and an inevitable portfolio of grass stains.

Royal Docks: Get Moving!
Saturday 20 September, 11:00–15:00 | Thames Barrier Park, North Woolwich Road, E16 2HP and around Pontoon Dock DLR station (street level) | FREE | Suitable for all ages

Celebrate the launch of a new sustainable travel corridor through a festival of kinetic stakeholder engagement. Core outputs include cross-disciplinary showcases combining hip hop choreography with circus methodologies; participatory movement frameworks featuring oversized props and improvised navigation tools; and a portfolio of low-barrier, frivolity-led sporting trials engineered to maximise laughter-to-effort ratios. Ancillary deliverables extend to cycle assessments, adaptive bike trials and live performance stages. Stakeholder benefit: total junior energy depletion and measurable transfer of household assets into the sleep economy.

Trafalgar Square: Japan Matsuri
Sunday 21 September, 10:00–20:00 | Trafalgar Square, WC2N 5DS | FREE | Suitable for all ages

Optimise cultural capital acquisition at the UK’s largest free Japanese festival. Deliverables include live music, traditional and contemporary dance, martial arts demonstrations, interactive workshops, and food & beverage touchpoints delivered via best-in-class street vendors. The programme extends to family-friendly craft initiatives, cultural showcases such as tea ceremonies, and continuous stage entertainment from 10:00 to 20:00. Anticipated returns: enhanced cultural literacy, diversified experiential exposure, and measurable uplift in household satisfaction indices.

Operational Details (for immediate stakeholder alignment)

• Participation is predominantly cost-neutral, with voluntary contributions welcomed to sustain future programming pipelines.

• Attendance operates on a “drop-in” basis for the most part, ensuring maximum accessibility and minimal pre-commitment risk exposure.

• Adult supervision is mandatory to comply with safeguarding legislation and mitigate reputational risk.

• Weather-related contingency planning is in place; rain will be rebranded as “immersive sensory input”.

• Nutritional self-sufficiency metrics apply; snack provision remains outside event remit.

• All outputs are non-proprietary and may be repurposed for extended stakeholder evaluation (e.g. fridge-door exhibition).

We are confident these rollouts will deliver measurable impact on your family engagement strategy. We look forward to your participation and to strengthening our shared commitment to high-value leisure outcomes.

Best regards,
Jeff Jefferson
Vice President of Strategic Alignment
Dads in London

Shows (in the style of The Famous Five)

Chapter 9
What Fun at the Theatre!

“GOLLY, THERE’S SUCH a lot on this weekend!” said Julian, passing round the ginger beer.

“Let’s go to the Family Jukebox at artsdepot,” cried Dick. “David Gibb will be on stage with his band, playing songs from all his albums. There’ll be singing, dancing and plenty of joining in. What a lark!”

“Rather!” said George. “But I’d much sooner see Wow! Said the Owl at the Little Angel. It’s a kind puppet show about an owl who stays awake through the day just to see all the bright colours – pink dawn, green leaves, blue sky, grey clouds and a rainbow – before falling asleep under the stars. Very mesmerising!”

Anne spooned out some condensed milk and laughed. “Oh George, you’d like We’re Going on a Bear Hunt even better. It’s full of puppets, music and scene-changing sets for the swishy grass, cold river, oozy mud and dark forest. Then, at last, they meet the bear in the cave!”

Timmy barked and wagged his tail.

“Well,” said Julian, “there’s also Oliver Twist at the Dickens Museum. Pollock’s Toy Museum is staging it with their beautiful Victorian toy theatre – hand-painted sets, tiny paper characters, and the whole tale of Oliver, Fagin and the Artful Dodger told in miniature. Quite the ripping adventure.”

“How topping!” said Dick. “Whichever we choose, it’ll be simply wizard – especially with more ginger beer.”

David Gibb’s Family Jukebox | Sunday 21 September, 11:00 and 14:00 | artsdepot, 5 Nether Street, Tally Ho Corner, N12 0GA | £13.75 per person | Ages 3+
Wow! Said the Owl | Saturday and Sunday, various times (and other dates until 8 November) | Little Angel Theatre, Little Angel Studios, Sebbon Street, N1 2EH | Adults £15, children £13 | Ages 2–5
We’re Going on a Bear Hunt | Saturday and Sunday, various times (and other dates until 8 November) Little Angel Theatre, 14 Dagmar Passage, N1 2DN | Adults £15, children £13 | Ages 3–8
Oliver Twist | Saturday 20 September, 15:00 | Charles Dickens Museum, 48–49 Doughty Street, WC1N 2LX | £20 per person (includes museum entry) | Suitable for all ages

Festivals and fairs (in the style of a dad-rap)

Exhibitions (in the style of horoscopes)

This weekend the stars align – and they’re pointing directly at London’s galleries. Forget love or money: your fortune lies in costumes, sculptures and cosmic photographs. Read on to see what the universe (and the exhibitions) have in store for you.

Your Cultural Horoscope for Next Weekend

Aries ♈: Dirty Looks: Desire and Decay in Fashion
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00-18:00 (and daily until 25 January) | Barbican Centre, Silk Street, EC2Y 8DS | Adults £20, under-14s free

Imperfection glimmers in the tattered and torn – in the frayed seams, muddy stains and dirty fabrics that somehow feel closer to honesty. This week invites you to embrace beauty that resists perfection and finds meaning in wear.

Taurus ♉: Frieze Sculpture 2025: In the Shadows
Saturday and Sunday, 05:00–08:00 (and daily until 2 November) | The Regent's Park, NW1 4NR | FREE

Look for truth in the shadows. Forms emerge quietly under trees, playful or profound, inviting you to pause and reconsider what you thought you saw – clarity waits where light gives way to mystery.

Gemini ♊: Blitz: the club that shaped the 80s
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–17:00 (and daily until 29 March) | Design Museum, 224–238 Kensington High Street, W8 6AG | Adults £14.38, 6–15s £7.19, under-6s free

You are called toward reinvention. In the flicker of neon, the glint of eyeliner and the rattle of sequins, you sense that identity is as changeable as costume – and the night belongs to the shape-shifters.

Cancer ♋: Marie Antoinette Style
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00-17:45 (and daily until 22 March) | V&A South Kensington, Cromwell Road, SW7 2RL | Adults £22, 12–17s £15, under-12s free

Grandeur promises delight and risk. Silks, jewels, towering wigs – they shimmer with excess and allure. Let yourself be dazzled, but beware: when indulgence tips into extravagance, even a single crumb can topple an empire.

Leo ♌: Theatre Picasso
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–18:00 (and daily until 12 April) | Tate Modern, Bankside, SE1 9TG | Adults £14, 12–18s £5, under-12s free

Stagecraft draws you in. Faces turn and shapes unfold in unexpected ways; the world feels alive, dramatic, ready for performance. Your week is best spent in motion, under the spotlight.

Virgo ♍: Space
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–18:00 (new permanent exhibition) | Science Museum, Exhibition Road, SW7 2DD | FREE

You reach for order in chaos. Rockets launch, satellites orbit, and every button beckons curious fingers. Just when you think you’ve corralled control, wonder reminds you that curiosity is its own kind of precision.

Libra ♎: Radical Harmony: Neo-Impressionists
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–18:00 (and daily until 8 February) | The National Gallery, Trafalgar Square, WC2N 5DN | Adults £27, under-18s free

Harmony unfolds in details. What looks like scattered dots of light or flecks of colour reveals balance when you step back. Trust the slow unfolding – coherence lies in the mosaic, not the grain.

Scorpio ♏: Astronomy Photographer of the Year
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–17:00 (and daily until August 2026) | National Maritime Museum, Romney Road, SE10 9NF | Adults £12, 4–15s £6, under-4s free

The cosmos opens its arms. Spirals of galaxies, fields of stars, distant aurorae – they daringly stretch your sense of scale and awe. But remember: sometimes the brightest spark in your pocket outshines them all.

Sagittarius ♐ Capricorn ♑ Aquarius ♒ Pisces ♓
The stars have run out of exhibitions to bestow. All that’s left is the infinite hush of the cosmos, which, if you squint, is rather marvellous.

Design Festival (in the style of a complaints letter)

To Whom It May Concern,

I wish to lodge a complaint about the ongoing disruption known as the London Design Festival – the annual takeover that transforms London into the world’s least practical obstacle course

First offence: the so-called “Hornscape Playground”. Picture 18 enormous brass instruments fused together into a climbable sculpture, and then imagine every child in London clambering up it at once. They blow into the trumpets, slide down the trombones, and generally produce a racket that could summon Gabriel himself. It’s billed as interactive design; I’d call it weaponised noise. Passing it is impossible without being deafened, jostled, or begged by your own children to join the queue.

Second: outside the Royal Festival Hall they’ve installed something called “Beacon”. It’s a towering chandelier of upcycled glass, which references Brutalist architecture and apparently nods back to the Festival of Britain – though none of that explains why I now have to weave around a structure the size of a house just to cross the concourse. And as if it weren’t enough simply looming there, it insists on bursting into life whenever Big Ben strikes. The lights begin with a slow, hypnotic glow before building to a full crescendo, the whole structure shimmering as if London itself were exhaling in time. Quite the spectacle – and quite impossible to get anywhere when the entire Southbank freezes to gawp at it.

Third offence: “Step Inside Quantum”. This contraption promises an introduction to quantum physics, which in practice means drifting through textile gates and sensory tunnels while reality itself seems to wobble. Fabrics shimmer, lights ripple, and the whole place feels poised between science and dream. Everyone else appears enchanted: children vanish into imaginary portals and adults murmur about multiple dimensions. I, meanwhile, find myself dragged into an afternoon of contemplating uncertainty, probability and the vast emptiness of space. All I really wanted was to look at something static and go home. Disappointed.

In conclusion: the London Design Festival clutters pavements, endangers pedestrians and encourages children to make unholy racket. It is, of course, utterly wonderful – and I shall be returning against my better judgement.

Yours,
A Long-suffering Londoner

London Design Festival | Saturday and Sunday | Throughout London | Mostly free (sometimes a free ticket is required) | Suitable for all ages

These look particularly good (and child-friendly):
Hornscape Playground | Saturday and Sunday, 24h | Bankside Design District | FREE (no ticket required)
Beacon | Saturday and Sunday, 24h | Entrance to Southbank Centre, Belvedere Road, SE1 8XX | FREE (no ticket required)
Step Inside Quantum | Saturday and Sunday, 12:00–18:00 | Main Entrance, Imperial College London, SW7 2AZ | FREE (no ticket required)

The Great River Race (in the style of Fawlty Towers)

Basil: Oh, marvellous. Absolutely marvellous. Nearly three hundred boats thrashing up the Thames like some deranged Viking invasion – twenty-one miles of oars, Lycra and people shouting “stroke” at each other. Chaos! Frankly, Sybil, it’s less a race and more a floating asylum.

Sybil: It’s the Great River Race, Basil – the marathon of the Thames. People enjoy it.

Basil: Enjoy it? Standing shoulder to shoulder on a bridge while some sweaty bank clerk dressed as a banana splashes past? Oh yes, tremendous fun. Perhaps I’ll bring a deckchair and a thermos.

Sybil: Those “bananas” are doing it for charity – like most of the rowers. And your deckchair might get a bit trampled: there’ll be other people watching too, you know.

Basil: Heavens. Why do people insist on existing in my line of vision?

Sybil: Or you could watch from HMS Wellington – there’s a guided tour and the best view from the upper deck.

Basil: Marvellous! Trapped on a warship with naval enthusiasts droning on about bulkheads, while lunatics in stupid outfits churn up the river outside. And I’m expected to stand there amongst them, as if I belong!

Sybil: You’d fit right in with the bores, Basil – you’ve been droning on about nothing in particular for years.

The Great River Race | Saturday 20 September, 10:15 | Various observation points around London (see map) | FREE (no booking required) | Suitable for all ages
The HMS Wellington Experience (tour plus Great River Race viewing) | Saturday 20 September, 10:00–17:00 | Temple Stairs, Victoria Embankment, WC2R 2PN | £12 per person | Suitable for all ages