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👨‍🎤 10 things to do in London this weekend with the kids (13–14 September)

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Hey DILF!

Ever wondered what the view is like for Nelson at the top of his column? Me neither. But that doesn’t mean it’s something we shouldn’t have wondered. I mean, we didn’t wonder what would happen if you stuck wheels on a suitcase or put an engine on a bicycle – and thank goodness someone else did.

Designer Paul Cocksedge did wonder, and because he’s a designer with both the imagination and the contacts to make it happen, he built What Nelson Sees – a cluster of giant intersecting tubes (or “telescopic viewing portals”), which you peer into from ground level. With the help of some nifty AI trickery, you’ll see what Nelson sees. You’ll also be able to wind the clock backwards to watch London swap cars for horse-drawn carriages, streetlights for gas lamps and sharp suits for funny hats – before spinning the dial forwards into a speculative future of urban farms, innovative streets and pedestrian-only zones.

Want to give it a go? What Nelson Sees is in Trafalgar Square from 13 September to 18 September, between 10:00 and 18:00 each day. It’s free, but you do need to book a ticket.

And now for all the other stuff other people created for you to enjoy this weekend…

Enjoy!

Jeff

David Bowie Centre at V&A East Storehouse – Opening Weekend
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–18:00
V&A East Storehouse, Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park, Parkes Street, E20 3AX
FREE
Age guidance: suitable for all

You may have missed the online stampede on 2 September. While you were juggling Teams calls and snack demands, thousands of David Bowie fans – plus the people who treat “sold out” as a personal affront – were hammering the “refresh” button, hoping to nab tickets for the brand-new David Bowie Centre at V&A East Storehouse. I was one of them. My son loves Bowie, and I love being first through a door, so we had two solid reasons to be panicking at the keyboard. Then the V&A announced some mysterious “technical issues”, leaving us all trapped in a holding pattern of rage and memes, with no tickets in sight.

When we do eventually get in, it’ll be the most hyped event since the Royal Wedding (ish). Inside you’ll find around 200 objects on rotation from Bowie’s 90,000-strong archive: Ziggy and Aladdin Sane stagewear, nearly 150 musical instruments and other sound equipment, tour props, and even Bowie’s own desk. And there’s a film stitched together from live performances, as well as an installation on his cultural reach.

Guest curators Nile Rodgers and The Last Dinner Party have also raided the archive for a special display, pulling out everything from Bowie’s Serious Moonlight tour suit to handwritten lyrics, personal correspondence and set lists.

Something I’m particularly excited about is the “Order an Object” service. Instead of peering through glass, you can actually book items for a private viewing – Bowie’s fan mail in your hands, his notebooks on the table in front of you, maybe even a guitar within arm’s reach.

At the time of writing, tickets still haven’t appeared. By the time you read this, they may well have been released – and snapped up within minutes. Only six weeks’ worth go on sale at a time, so your best bet is to get on the mailing list and pounce when the next batch drops.

If you can’t get in this weekend but still want to head to V&A East Storehouse…

👍️ You can (and should!) do that, because it’s unlike any museum you’ve been to: look!

Instead of the usual hushed galleries, you wander through a three-storey warehouse where thousands of objects are stored, studied and repaired in full view. There are mini displays to dip into, conservators you can spy on, and even “Object Encounters” where staff wheel out highlights for a closer look. It’s also the home of the “Order an Object” service mentioned above: book in advance and you can choose almost anything from the collection for a one-to-one viewing.

Somerset House Step Inside 25 Weekend
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–18:00
Somerset House, Strand, WC2R 1LA
FREE
Age guidance: suitable for all

If you had to guess, when would you say Somerset House stopped being “government offices” and started being “artsy and cultural institution”? DO NOT LOOK AT THE TITLE OF THE EVENT! DO NOT CHEAT!

You would never have thought it’s been just 25 years, would you? How is that even possible? A mere 25 years ago, there were no art exhibitions or ice rinks – or even one of the worst-reviewed cafĂ©s in London (it’s ok: better options are also available). Instead, the venue was home to HM Revenue & Customs, the General Register Office and the Principal Registry of the Court of Probate, among others. Just 25 years ago!

And now, turning 25, Somerset House is behaving exactly like a 25-year-old would: still working out what it actually likes, with no real sense of taste or limits. The birthday programme reads like a WhatsApp thread where everyone shouted random suggestions – “Disco!” “Basketball!” “Drawing Snoopy cartoons!” “Immersive disco!” – and Somerset House just screamed back “YES!! LOVE IT!! LET’S DO ALL OF THEM!! WTF IS IMMERSIVE DISCO? WHO CARES!”

Which is why it’s brilliant. If you’re an art critic, you’ll roll your eyes at the chaos. But for everyone else, it’s pure 25-year-old energy: messy, excitable, and impossible not to get swept up in.

The itinerary is more rumour than schedule. Want the Family Friendly Tour or the Historical Highlights Tour? Just hang around Seamen’s Hall all day and hope someone with a flag shows up. As for all the workshops… I did some off-site sleuthing to discover that Tihara Smith is about raffia embroidery and Colechi is about game development. But Art Explora, Upgrade Yourself Hub and Trib3 Events & Forty-Four Words? Still a complete mystery. Timings are blank too, so best of luck planning your day around them.

It’s free, it’s shambolic, and it’s exactly what a 25th birthday should be – and definitely more fun than anything Somerset House was doing with tax forms.

While you’re there…

👍️ The Virtual Beauty exhibition is at Somerset House until 25 September. It’s an enjoyable but intense look at how self-image, identity and beauty standards are being rewritten not just by media, but by ourselves – in the way we present, tweak and repackage our faces for the feed.

One artist, Qualeasha Wood, explores what it means to live a life that’s always online. She’s taken her selfies – often juxtaposed with screenshots of pop-up windows, message notifications and even abusive comments – and turned them into large-scale woven tapestries.

An Instagram “performance piece” by Amalia Ulman focuses on a different sort of editing. In Excellence & Perfections, she shows how she used her own account to conduct a scripted online performance with stories and details that she knew would be popular. Over the course of five months in 2014, she pretended to have a breast augmentation, staged moving to a new city, feigned a break-up and claimed to be doing drugs – all with beautifully arranged flowers, expensive clothing and delicious-looking brunches in the background. By the end of her project, she had 90,000 followers.

Those are just two of the installations in a chunky exhibition that contains lots to look at, twiddle with and ponder. It’s aimed at anyone aged 15+, so bear that in mind before you add it to the weekend’s schedule.

👍️ Trafalgar Square isn’t far away. Go check out the view from Nelson’s Column. (See the intro above for more info.)

A Day On The Lane
Saturday 13 September, 10:00–16:00
Marylebone Lane, W1U
FREE
Age guidance: suitable for all

If you’re ever involved in a conversation about Marylebone (you never know…), listen to how people handle the word and then glance at everyone else to see their facial expressions and breathing patterns. Chances are, at least a few of them are struggling to remain composed while others look quietly relieved.

Because if there’s one thing Londoners disagree on more than how to pronounce “Holborn”, it’s how to pronounce “Marylebone”. Me? I wince if anyone says “Marry-le-bone”. It’s DEFINITELY “Marley-bn”.

The name began as “St Mary-burne” – the Church of St Mary by the Tyburn stream, which once ran through the area. Over time, through the usual linguistic battering, St Mary-burne became Marylebone.

With that sort of backstory, you could be forgiven for thinking It’s “Mary-le-burn” or something similar. But it’s not: it’s “Marley-bn” and that’s that. (And I have very impressive people on my side: the exceptionally brilliant Tom Scott says Marley-bn. Ditto the hilarious cartography fan Jay Foreman, whose videos you should watch right now before you do anything else.)

However you choose to mangle the name, Marleybone Lane is pedestrianising itself for one day only this Saturday. Instead of Bentleys and Range Rovers cluttering up the concrete, you’ll find pop-up stalls, live music, alfresco dining, free workouts, the works. You can arrange flowers, paint plant pots, learn to knit, fix your clothes with embroidery, or have your chakras explained to you by someone wielding a gemstone and an engraving tool. Third Space is even running free breathwork and soundbath sessions, which come with the reward of a smoothie at The Ivy and access to an ice bath afterwards.

Shops are joining in too: jewellery-making outside Dinny Hall, wreath-making at KJ’s Laundry, Larry King’s hair salon with a spinning wheel of prizes, O Pioneers showing off bows and socks, and Tracey Neuls giving you the chance to try your hand at the Squid Game Dalgona candy challenge for 20% off shoes.

And then there’s the food and drink: free tasters at 108 Brasserie, Aperol Spritz at Caldesi, Champagne at Le Relais de Venise, an aperitivo spread from Lina Stores, gin and lager from The Coach Makers Arms, samples from The Golden Eagle, and plenty more besides.

So if you’ve ever wanted to mispronounce Marylebone with a mouth full of antipasti and a pocket full of amethyst , this is your moment.

While we’re here…

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And while you’re there…

👍️ Before it became a museum, the Wallace Collection was just that: a vast private collection of paintings, furniture and porcelain, built up by generations of aristocrats with a weakness for 18th-century French art and the money to make it happen. The real star was Sir Richard Wallace, illegitimate (but fully funded) son of the 4th Marquess of Hertford, who inherited the lot and installed it in Hertford House – this central London townhouse. After he died, his wife left it all to the nation. You can check it all out for free – the Rococo furniture, Sèvres porcelain and Fragonards, and a bursting-at-the-seams armoury.

In addition to all that, the Wallace Collection has a special Grayson Perry exhibition until 26 October, and it looks fantastic. I haven’t been, but I’ve been meaning to visit since it opened.

Totally Thames Festival
Sunday 14 September, 13:00–13:45 (Kids’ Choir) and 14:15–15:00 (Sing for Water)
The Scoop at More, SE1 2AA
FREE
Age guidance: suitable for all

You know you’re in a first-world country when there’s an organisation dedicated to making sure you have a nice time by the river. Elsewhere it’s flood defences and drinking water. Here? Boat festivals, open-air theatre, choral performances, exhibitions and tours. They’re part of Totally Thames, a month-long programme that sprinkles 42 miles of riverbank with art, performance and general river-related delight.

This weekend, The Scoop – that amphitheatre by Tower Bridge that looks like it was designed for Shakespeare but mainly hosts Pret lunches – gets taken over by choirs. First, 300+ London primary school kids sing the repertoire they’ve been rehearsing for months in Kids’ Choir. Then 400 voices from choirs across the UK arrive for Sing for Water, a mass performance raising money for WaterAid’s clean water projects in Rwanda.

If you’d rather join in than just watch, there’s the Clean Thames Challenge running throughout September – a chance to roll up your sleeves and help clear litter from the river. Individuals, families and groups can all take part, whether on organised litter picks or just by heading out on your own stretch. Less glamorous than choir robes, but arguably more useful than interpretive dance on the foreshore.

Totally Thames runs all month, with more art, talks, tours and general river oddities than I could possibly list here. Best to poke around the website and see what takes your fancy.

Find out more:

While you’re there…

👍️ Busy food markets do not make for a happy Jeff: I’m known for panic-yelling “I’LL JUST WAIT HERE, OKAAAAY?” to whichever companion is entering such places while I loiter around outside. But if you’re more laid-back and less easily triggered by frenzied scrambling for sourdough and sausages, take your kids to Borough Market. It’s one of those experiences everyone except me should probably do once in their lives.

How Real is your Reality?
Saturday 13 September, 14:00–15:15
The Royal Institution of Great Britain, 21 Albemarle Street, W1S 4BS
Adults ÂŁ16, under-17s ÂŁ10 (plus booking fee)
Age guidance: 12 and under

Gosh: the Royal Institution doesn’t half get some fascinating and accomplished guests. The speaker at its latest family-friendly talk is the cognitive neuroscientist Pieter Barkema, who started with Economics at school, then studied Chinese and Artificial Intelligence at university, worked on the Google Assistant team as a linguist, and then switched to neuroscience. If he turns out to be good-looking and charming, life is officially unfair.

In this talk, Barkema will be showing how easily your brain can be fooled – from spotting faces in clouds to illusions that still work even when you know the trick – and the way a single new fact can flip what you’re seeing right in front of you. There’ll be real-life demos, visuals that mess with your eyes, and plenty of moments where you realise your brain is making half of it up as it goes along.

Naturally, I tried to get a head start by poking around Mr Barkema’s online presence, in the hope of unearthing something that would give me the upper hand. No such luck. His Instagram is private and simply says “Shut your phone and go play outside.” His YouTube channel has a single video – Deep layers of primary visual cortex encode postdictive perception – which appears to be an academic version of some of the ideas he’ll touch on at the family talk. His X account hasn’t been touched since 2023 – and even then only managed seven reposts in two years.

The only real glimpse came via a Dutch karate school’s Facebook post from 2018, noting that Pieter is very good at karate but no longer wishes to practise the particular style they teach – a decision they seemed genuinely sad about.

So the inner workings of his own mind aren’t up for grabs. Irritating, but fair enough – I’ll just have to see what slips out under the stage lights.

While you’re there…

👍️ On my “Paperclip to Porsche” scale of how much things cost, a sundae from The Parlour at Fortnum & Mason sits somewhere in the middle. So if you think your kids deserve a better treat than the squashed cheese string in your back pocket, go there. The ice creams are insane, the environment is fabulous, and everyone will be in heaven. Until the bill arrives.

👍️ Want somewhere a bit cheaper but just as gustatorally (not necessarily a real word) satisfying? Try Kahve Dunyasi. It’s a Turkish cafe on Piccadilly with some of the best ice creams and cakes my family has ever tasted. As a bonus, the owners there will think your children are delightful – even if they’re objectively horrendous.

👍️ St James’s Park has the best park playground in all of central London. We’ve argued about this before, and you know I’m right.

6–10 More, more, more, more, more!

Seen Photography Exhibition
Saturday and Sunday, 11:00–16:00
Grimaldi Building, 154A Pentonville Road, N1 9JE
FREE
Age guidance: suitable for all

“Hosted at RNIB’s Grimaldi Building, Seen is an exhibition featuring 22 powerful portraits that bring into focus the lives of blind and partially sighted people.

Over the last two years, Joshua Bratt has travelled the country, meeting people with sight loss and capturing their stories through his lens. These portraits reveal the extraordinary lives of blind and partially sighted people: individuals thriving in their careers, pursuing their passions and overcoming barriers.”

Glue: Book Fair and Creative Programme
Saturday and Sunday, 12:00–19:00
ICA, The Mall, SW1Y 5AH
FREE (book in advance for the free workshops and talks)
Age guidance: the book fair is suitable for all

“Join us for the launch of GLUE, the ICA’s new artist book fair, bringing together over 70 publishers for a weekend of exhibitions, talks and workshops.

Celebrating artists, publishers and DIY book makers working across visual arts and contemporary culture, GLUE brings together creative practices that span disciplines and genres. Alongside a vibrant book fair, the weekend features a special exhibition and public programme that champions the role of artist-led ecosystems and communities in nourishing creative practice, and shaping urgent and independent publishing today.”

Ceramics in the City 2025
Saturday and Sunday, 10:00–17:00
Museum of the Home, 136 Kingsland Road, E2 8EA
FREE
Age guidance: suitable for all

“ The annual ceramics fair and exhibit returns to Museum of the Home for London Design Festival 2025, celebrating world-class artistry and craftsmanship.

Located in the creative hub of East London, the fair highlights the artistry of ceramicists from London and beyond. The weekend will showcase an array of styles, techniques, colours, and textures – from functional tableware and earthy stoneware to vivid, ornamental objects and striking, one-of-a-kind pieces.

Meet, shop, talk to the makers, and watch live demonstrations from artists as they share the incredible skill and brilliance of this art form.”

Viva Brazil
Sunday 14 September, 11:00–17:30
Woolwich Works, The Fireworks Factory, 11 No. 1 Street, SE18 6HD
FREE (but book tickets in advance)
Age guidance: suitable for all

“A VIBRANT CELEBRATION OF BRAZILIAN CULTURE!

VIVA BRAZIL features a carefully curated programme where diversity is embraced. Brazilians and non-Brazilians are invited to experience the unique richness of Brazilian culture, through its colours, sounds, and flavours.

VIVA BRAZIL is a true cultural immersion with live music, artistic performances, gastronomy, storytelling, and activities for all ages. The event fosters intergenerational connections and strengthens community bonds, celebrating cultural heritage that transcends borders. Come be part of a cultural journey that welcomes everyone – no passport required!”

Woolwich Carnival 2025
Saturday 13 September, 15:00–22:30 (parade at 14:00)
Woolwich Works, The Fireworks Factory, 11 No. 1 Street, SE18 6HD
FREE – no booking required
Age guidance: suitable for all

“Join us at Woolwich Works for a joyful, high-energy celebration of the incredible cultural diversity that makes Woolwich so vibrant.

The day kicks off in dazzling style with a colourful Carnival Parade departing from James Clavell Square at 2pm, dancing its way past Woolwich Works and down NÂş 1 Street toward Woolwich Town Centre. Expect costumes, music, and pure carnival spirit brightening up the streets.

The party continues at the Woolwich Works Carnival Stage in the Courtyard from 3pm to 7.30pm, where an exciting mix of live bands and dynamic dance acts will bring global flavours to your doorstep. Then, from 7.30pm to 10.30pm, the celebration moves inside to the Visitors' Book Café, keeping the rhythm alive into the evening and ending the celebration with a Carnival jam session!”

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